But before I start explaining a few things, I would like to say, Minxie, you surprised me. Honestly, when I first saw your blog, I thought "Well this is boring" but then I started to notice, something makes me keep coming back to your blog, didn't take me long to understand what it was, your curiosity, that same curiosity is the reason why I consider you to be a friend, but more about that later.
So what was the purpose of the Therapy, it had nothing but good intentions, of course the way to achieve them was...questionable to some, but that is because none of you understood, now I will try to explain. I said countless times that I wanted to help Minxie find out what kind of person she is, to let her find out her limits, where she was standing in all of this, when you know those things, your survival chances increase drastically, you start thinking much more clearer.
At first, I thought this therapy was to come to an end when she would make her first kill, but when I saw the lack of emotion, I figured it out, she didn't feel anything, because her emotions were not fixated on that person, they were fixated on Snowblind. I needed to expand those emotions, I needed to turn them into pure hatred, so she would be able to find out what kind of person she is, after she had killed Snowy.
There is a theory I've been using behind all of this, and that theory is rather simple. You see, lots of people think that they are "good", but why do they assume that? You know why? They are afraid, afraid that if they do something "bad" they will go to prison, or hell, or some place. So they automatically assume the role of a good person out of fear and as we all know, anything that is done out of fear has no moral value whatsoever. The only way to determine what kind of person you are, is to commit the most horrendous sin, to kill someone and if after you kill someone, you feel tremendous guilt, you're a good person. But if you feel nothing and even at some point, enjoyment, then you are a horrible person, but that doesn't mean you're not human. This is why I told Minxie that she is a horrible person, just like me, she didn't feel any ounce of guilt after she had killed Snowflake, but she understood, that wasn't the end of her humanity, now she knows what she is capable of.
The reason why I wanted to help her out? While it is true, that I was interested in how she would end up, I was doing all of that, because I considered her to be my friend. You see, her questions, her curiosity, showed interest in me, before Minxie, the only one I could talk to was Azoth, at first I payed no attention to that, but then a realization came. It is pretty depressing, when the only thing that is interested in you and understands you is not even human, makes you feel like you're not a human, made me forget that I was human and I was fully convinced that I was a monster. But then Minxie comes along and starts taking interest in my fascinations, at some point she even starts to understand me, that brought back the feeling of humanity, she reminded me that I was a human, a horrible, but a human non the less. As much as we want to deny it, we are all human, even if we have supernatural talents.
So, I guess I have this to say, thank you Minxie, you reminded me of something important, although I bleed Azoth, I am still made out of human meat and organs and I can easily die, that I am human.
Now for some psychology, originally I was going to make this post a simple explanation to my motives behind Minxie's therapy. But there's another person I need to address, pHIL. For this part, you need to read his post, in order to understand what this is all about.
Mr. Mcdonalds here constantly implied that I am a psychopath and today he made this silly chart of his to prove his point. Problem with that is, he knows diddly squat about me, so he can't really determine anything. Now all of you can easily turn that around on me and say "But uncle Kelevra, you did almost the same analysis on us!", well kiddies I have constantly noted that those analysis are assumptions, not facts, I could easily be wrong, because I don't know you people, for example JP's analysis, that was a complete miss, or Minxie's, in her analysis I said that she would break down if she killed someone, I was wrong and that's a fact.
Another thing that's Mr. Mcdonalds doesn't know me, to say that I am a psychopath, so I will gladly debunk his little chart over here, to make my point clear (The things that will stay unchanged are true).
- Glibness/superficial charm- 1
- Grandiose sense of self-worth- 1 (I don't care about myself, only about my goals, which are in turn Fortissimo's goals, so I don't do it only for myself, I do for Fortissimo as well.)
- Pathological lying-0 (Never lied in my life, withheld information? yes, lied? Give me at least one example)
- Cunning/manipulative - 2
- Lack of remorse or guilt - 2
- Shallow affect -1 (Tell you me this before I met Minxie, that would have been complete truth, but now, after this therapy, only partially)
- Callousness; lack of empathy-1 (Same reason as above)
- Failure to accept responsibility for his own actions- 0 (I accept full well the responsibility of my actions, I simply don't care about them, but I do accept them)
- Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom- 1
- Parasitic lifestyle- 1
- Poor behavioral control - 0 (Full control of my behavior, I do things when I want to do them, someone insults me, I can ignore them, or attack them, but I do it because I want to, not because I feel insulted, in fact I take my insults as compliments, when people insult me, they show that I exist)
- Lack of realistic long-term goals- 0 (Destruction is a pretty realistic goal to me, a goal that has been with me ever sine I was born, not a good goal, but a realistic one, now the fact that I can't fulfill it is true, but it is real, someday the world will end, but I won't be around to see it, so until then, I cause as much destruction as I can.)
- Impulsivity-0 (I always think over my actions, and take into consideration the consequences, if I didn't, I wouldn't be ready for them and quite frankly, would be dead.)
- Irresponsibility-0 (I have responsibility of protecting Incognito, had the responsibility of protecting Minxie and have responsibility of protecting Fortissimo.)
- Juvenile delinquency- 2
- Early behavior problems- 2
- Promiscuous sexual behavior-2
- Many short-term relationships-0 (Had only one relationship, my darling Fortissimo.)
- Criminal versatility-1 (I keep careful safety of myself, for if I die, Fortissimo dies, along with that I take into consideration the safety of people I want to keep safe.)
Also, you said that me calling myself "10 steps ahead" means I'm a pompous, egoist? Well pompous, yes, but calling me an Egoist, we're all Egoists. The question is, who is a bigger Egoist, in our case, you are a bigger Egoist than I am. This opinion of yours, that I'm a psychopath, if it was your opinion and you kept it to yourself, if all of it was simply an assumption, but it isn't. Not only are you 100% sure of your calculations, but you are also trying to convince everyone in how correct it is. As for the "10 steps ahead" phrase, well its fact, Minxie is 5 steps ahead of you pHIL. You know why? She and I, we realized our secret, horrible desire, in doing so, we found out where we stand and we know our limits, we know ourselves better than some people, those some people, are you pHIL. You know why you're a couple of steps behind? Because you haven't fulfilled you're deepest, darkest desire, you probably don't even know what it is. So how about you go and take a good, long look in the mirror and I do mean it, take a chair if you need and find out, the horrible things you truly want to do, killing isn't the most horrible thing.
So here is my analysis to you Mcdonald:
You seem to be prideful in your knowledge, thus you will deny if someone questions them, you will also deny the fact that you are wrong, because your pride is just too darn big. Which in result means your Ego is big. I don't mean you're stupid, no, on the contra ire, you're smart. But until you admit your weaknesses, not to me, not to anyone else, but to yourself. You will remain to be, a poor little man, who will keep denying his mistakes, until his mistakes drive him to his grave.
All assumptions of course.