Monday, June 17, 2013

My Darling, My love...

Fortissimo, I love her, so much and she loves me.

Recently, I've been falling a tad bit depressed, I mean everything is going according to plan for me, why would I be sad? Well you know, sometimes, the sadness just comes for no reason, I would probably commit suicide a long time ago as this is not the only time I had depression for no reason.

But thankfully I have my darling Fortissimo with me, her love, her desire, fuels through my blood, we are one and yet, we are separate. This relationship of ours didn't start very nicely to be honest. When Marshmallow Man started digging in my body with one of his tentacles and I bit it off, it fell into my body and it was there for a very long time, until it got used to my body and in fact started moving inside of it through my veins. At first it tried to take me over, to clear my mind and use my body in order to return to Marshmallow Man, but when it got to my memories, to my desires, when it saw how I think, it was overwhelmed.

It saw what kind of monster I was, that I was a hell spawn, that I didn't have any ounce of a soul in me since the day I was born. It saw the moment I killed my parents without remorse, the thing that baffled it was not that I killed them, it is the fact that I had lack of motive for doing that, I just did it. After that act of violence, it saw my thoughts forming, it saw how I came to a conclusion that Destruction is the only thing that matters and it agreed.

That is when she spoke to me for the first time, she revealed to me everything that was going on, what was Marshmallow Man doing, that there were people who served him and ran from him. She told me that the day I waited for, the day when I could cause much more Destruction was upon me. All I had to do was join him and of course I did.

But through time, I realized that the tasks I was given, hunt down this guy, follow that guy, kill this girl, intimidate that group, all of it was once again meaningless and Fortissimo agreed, that is when we started disobeying him, that is when we started doing whatever we wanted and we had purpose again. On that day, I learned how to use Fortissimo, how to make her a weapon of Destruction, first time using her like that, it was like snorting coke, first dose is enjoyable and you get addicted. That was also the day that I first called her Fortissimo, the name was fitting, I was a man of silence, I was doing what I did for no reason, no purpose, I was silent, lost, until a big bang of sound came out of nowhere and woke me up, that sound was Fortissimo.

It has been so long since she and I met and to be honest, I am surprised that we are even alive today, when in reality we should have been killed a long time ago. I was stretching out a bubble gum until it ripped, yet somehow, I was able to buy myself a new one.

My darling Fortissimo, I love you.

This song, it describes our relationship perfectly, been listening to it the whole time I wrote this:


Oh look at that, depressions gone, yay!

24 comments:

  1. You know what I want to know? What would happen if you did top yourself. My money is on the azoth taking over and hallowing the corpse. Or it would be if I thought you were gonna top yourself.

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    Replies
    1. By top myself you of course mean kill myself? Well it wouldn't do anything to me, because the feeling of suicide was before I met Fortissimo and Marshmallow Man, I would simply be, a dead corpse.

      Today, I don't even dream about Suicide, fuck dat shit.

      Delete
    2. Top oneself = kill oneself

      This definition is brought to you by Sanna British Slang Services.

      You might also like:

      One under = kill oneself by throwing oneself under a train.

      Delete
  2. Speaking as someone who's been diagnosed with severe depression... to a fellow human being that also has it... many hugs. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, case in point - you.

    It's a chemical imbalance in the brain. I try not to take it personally.

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    Replies
    1. Appreciate it, I honestly do, know, that even a person such as myself, will be ready to give out a hug if you ever felt the same way, I did just a couple of minutes ago.

      I am also saddened to hear that you consider me, your enemy, I consider you to be my friend.

      But it is natural for people to misunderstand, or to not understand.

      Delete
    2. OK, we'll be friends, but I have an issue with you hurting Incognito.

      Reverse what pHIL said. What would you do without Fortissimo? Like if you woke up tomorrow and she wasn't there. Cue sad music. (Dude, I would actually be sympathetic and invite you round for Skittles. Plenty more fish in the sea. There's always Diana, you didn't kill her yet.)

      Delete
    3. No, I wouldn't end myself, because the love for Fortissimo would be strong, she may be gone, but her spirit, she was inside of me, that is something that never goes away.

      She may be gone, but I think that even would motivate me more to keep doing what I do, because now I would be doing it not only for myself, but for both of us.

      I am sorry that issue can not be solved, I myself sometimes hate hurting him, but my goals force me to do so. Besides, I think he secretly enjoys the fact that I am willing to kill him, its complicated.

      Delete
    4. Well aren't you devoted. I might applaud you if not for what happened today. Will post about later. You might be proud. Me, not so much.

      I suppose it is safer to be your friend than your enemy. Maybe.

      Delete
    5. Friend hugs 4 dayz.

      *JP

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    6. Not for you, you smell...

      Nah I'm kidding, get over here.

      Delete
  3. Still a better love story than Twilight, and I mean it too. That was sweet.

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    1. I will make an assumption that Twilight is some sort of, awfully written romance book.

      Delete
    2. That assumption was so accurate you should receive a marksmanship award for it.

      Delete
    3. I looked it up...Dear, fucking God.

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    4. Dear fucking God indeed. That is it. When Kelevra thinks something is terrible, it is definitely the fucking pits.

      The last book is the worst. Werewolf child grooming that nobody seems to acknowledge. And a birth scene that, from its gory description, sounds like something out of The Hills Have Eyes.

      Delete
    5. I can't get over the fact how pathetic Vampires are in this, I recently watched Dracula, original one and thought "Vampires are effin' awesome!" then I read this up and now I'm like "Why!?".

      Delete
    6. Read Dracula as well, do it. Amazing book, I had in illustrated version once upon a time, read the fuck out of it. Wish I still had it.

      And now vampires are teh fluffeh laugheh bunnez. *headdesk*

      Delete
    7. I sure will, I will even refrain from killing the owner of the library, out of respect for the book.

      Delete
    8. I made, Kelevra, look up Twilight? Well now I feel both accomplished and disgusted at myself. Though if you want awesome vampires I here Hellsing Ultimate is the way to go, or so Virg tells me, constantly. I'd just watch the abridged version.

      Delete
  4. Depression? Join the club, Kelevra.

    -Rose

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    Replies
    1. Here is your badge.

      We had cake, but sadly, someone stole it.

      -Rose

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    2. It was someone from the Kleptomaniac Club.

      Delete
    3. I told you not to trust those sum bitches.

      Why I oughta...

      Delete