Friday, June 14, 2013

Aces of Rejects, Member #2: Mister Koschey

 I know that I said, that I would slowly introduce them, but, well I'm impatient ok? So who should I start off with? Well obviously the man who has been doing the most killing recently, I believe German proxies has gotten acquainted with this fella.

Name: Roman Buldiganov (Koschey)
Age: ???
Sex/Gender: Male
Occupation: Dying Man Shard
Weapon: Tulskii Tokarec (2 Pieces), Pocket Knife, Anything he can get his hands on.
Tittle: Walking Corpse
Favorite Line: Get lost.

Theme Song: Order of The Fly - Rot

Special "Talent": Body is paralyzed, just like mine, but is still capable of movement. If he lost a limb, can easily rip off someone's limb and attach it to himself as a replacement of the old one, not to mention he gains all the attributes of the limb, for example: if he replaced his normal eye with a snipers eye, then he will be more precise at shooting his target. Military training.

Bio: Roman Buldiganov was an excellent soldier in the Russian Army, once he finished serving his time, he went to get a job. What he realized later was that, he can't do anything but kill people, so he fell together with a Russian Mafia. After some time the Mafia fell apart, but he decided to stick with what he does so he became what some might call, a mercenary for hire. He took any job weather it was killing someone, or saving someone, it didn't matter to him, as long as he got paid. He quickly gained popularity in his line of duty, since he always finishes the job he takes and until he finishes that job, he does not take another. At some point he was given a job of hunting down a certain man, that certain man carried a Dying Man Shard inside of himself, once he killed the man, The Dying Man shard, took over Roman's body. Now the Dying Man Shard (Business) liked his host and they ended up working together. Problem was, that the dying man shard could not sustain the control over its powers, result of that, Roman's body was decaying. But with that great power, came also an ability, The Dying Man Shard was powerful enough to repair not only injuries, but also bones and nervous systems. This is how his body is still capable of movement, he has been ripping off body parts of his victims and attaching them to himself, replacing the old body parts.

Fighting Style: Is awesome at Boxing.

Main Goal: Finishing his contract which he and I arranged all those years back.

Status in The Team: Strategist.

Amazing ain't it?


  1. A sniper who relies on good eyesight is in for a rough time. Disgraceful.

    So his cock and balls are secondhand. How nice.

  2. Why do you call him "Koschey"? What does that mean?


      Google is your friend...

    2. Googling it was the first thing I did. I was just curious to know what he had to say about it. You ruined it now.

    3. Given the nickname he gave to snowy, I'd have to say it'd be along the lines of:
      Here in Soviet Russia there is a fairy tale about a sorcerer who could not die, and who kept his 'life hidden away in an egg. Then later the egg got thrown at him and he died. The end.

    4. I feel like I should be returning the favour.

      Here in medieval ye olde Britannia there was a lad called Jack who sold all his family's possessions for a "magic bean" (WTF? Either drugs or a scam) and planted the bean and it grew to the skies overnight.

      Then he climbed up the beanstalk and trespassed on a giant's property. The giant got pissed off and said "Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman!" and chased him.

      Then Jack befriends the giant's wife (yeh, "befriends") and steals all the giant's shit, gets back down the beanstalk and cuts down said beanstalk, killing the giant and also trapping his wife up there although no one seems to mention that last bit.

      The end. Fairy tales are dodgy as frick.

    5. There was a tortoise and a hare, and the tortoise, tired of the hare's bragging, challenged that hare to a race. Now, the tortoise knew it was far too slow to beat the hare, so he came up with a cunning plan. He had his wife wait by the finish line, and when the hare came into view, she crossed it. The hare was dumbfounded, and challenged the tortoise's wife to the race again, in the other direction. As the tortoise was waiting by the start line, the hare was once again fooled. The hare continued this, racing back and forth, until it died, because a blood vein in the eye burst and it bled to death.
      The moral is that cheating always ends with you winning and other people dying.

    6. There was once a cottage in the woods with three bears, a mama bear, a papa bear and a baby bear. They made porridge for breakfast (yuck) and decided to go out for a walk to wait for the porridge to cool.

      OK, so while they're out for their walk, this curious little girl called Goldilocks goes into their house. I'm pretty sure that's also trespassing but no one ever mentions that.

      Goldilocks sees the three bowls of porridge, so first she tries Papa Bear's porridge. It was too hot. So then she tries Mama Bear's porridge, but it was too cold. So she tries Baby Bear's porridge, and it was just right. So she ate it all up, pardon me but going into someone's house and doing that is just bang out of order IMHO.

      So then the greedy bitch wants to sit down. There are three chairs. She tries Papa Bear's chair first, but it's too hard. She tries Mama Bear's chair, but it's too soft. Then she tries Baby Bear's chair, and it was just right. Unfortunately, being a greedy bitch, the chair breaks underneath her and she does fuck all about it except go upstairs.

      There she finds three beds. She tries Papa Bear's bed, but it's too hard. Then she tries Mama Bear's bed, yeah they have separate beds apparently, probably a tough time in marriage or something. It's too soft. So she tries Baby Bear's bed, and it's just right.

      Anyway the bears get home, and they're rightfully pissed off that someone came into their home and started breaking their shit and eating their food, and they chase her off and we're expected to be glad that this bitch got away with no criminal repercussions whatsoever. Such is life in England.

    7. There once was no gap between the earth and the sky, until Tane, the god of the forest, called all his brothers and sisters to push them apart. But while separated, the earth mother and sky father could still see each other's faces and their tears threatened to drown the earth. So Tane called his brothers and sisters again, and they turned their mother onto her back with her youngest child underneath her. The movements and tantrums of this child as it suckles cause earthquakes.
      The only one who did not participate was Tawhirimatea, god of wind and storms, and he blows bitter and angry.

      ...this is fun. : D

    8. A rooster and a hen went to eat at the 'Nut Hill', where sadly the hen choked on a nut and died. The rooster was terribly sad about this, and he and all the other animals from the enchanted forest got onto a cart and began to take the body to be buried.
      On the way, they cam across a stream, and a friendly stone drops into it so that they can cross. But the cart was overloaded, and fell apart. All of the animals (other than the rooster) fell into the stream and drown, their rotting bodies eventually poisoning the stream.
      Meanwhile, the rooster took the hen's corpse to be buried, then sat by the grave until it died.
      And the moral is that everyone goes into death alone.

    9. There's a king and a queen. They celebrate the birth of their first child, a girl. They invite fairies. The fairies bless the child with gifts such as: beauty, talent, intelligence, etc. The final fairy is about to grant the princess her own gift, when there is a clap of thunder.

      So there's this evil fairy they forgot to invite, and she as pissed off, so she curses the child, that when she is sixteen she will prick her finger on a spindle and die.

      The final fairy who was interrupted by the evil fairy uses her magic to weaken the curse. So instead, when she is sixteen, the child will fall into a 100 year sleep that can only be awoken by a man pure of heart falling in love with her.

      The king and queen ban all spindles on pain of death, if you ask me that's fucked up. Fucking police state.

      When the princess is sixteen, she gets bored and curious, spends time wandering the kingdom and so on. She comes across an isolated old woman who hadn't heard of the ban on spindles. The princess has been warned many many many many many times not to touch spindles, but she ignores the warnings and sure enough pricks her finger on a spindle and falls into said deep sleep.

      The king and queen believe she is dead (apparently didn't check her pulse, the fucking muppets) and they put her in a room with gold and silver thread. The notion that she would decay if dead had not crossed their little minds, or so it seems. Anyway everyone notices the princess looks beautiful asleep and so on.

      Then a prince finds her, notes how pretty she looks in unconscious, which I believe you've told me is a fetish, ew, but apparently he falls in love with her, and kisses her hand and she wakes up.

      The moral is that any man who falls in love with an unconscious sixteen year old is definitely pure of heart and not at all a pervy creep.

    10. There was once a town called Hamlin, which had a terrible rat problem, which could not be solved by the government because of ludicrous corruption sapping the treasury. Many rat-catchers came, but none could solve the problem, and it grew- the rats were as big as dogs, coming in the night to take food from the peasant's larders and stripping fields of crops overnight. The starved peasants turned to their government, but found no answers.
      Then, one day, a stranger came into town. Tall and thin, wearing strange pied garments, he offered to remove the rats, for a price. The governor agreed. And so he went, singing strange songs, and the rats followed. He led them to a fire, and there they were burned alive, throwing themselves into the heat.
      The next day, he came again, singing his song, but this time it was not rats that followed, but children! All through town, children who heard the song seemed to go into a daze, following Him blindly. He led them out of town into a deep, dark forest, apart from one boy, who's foot had been broken, and could not keep up. The parents of these children followed the trail, and came upon him, pale and shaking. There was no sign of the other children, and when questioned, the boy had one response. He raised a shaking finger to point at the governor. "He traded their souls". And with that, he collapsed into a gibbering fit.
      The townsfolk were furious, and took the corrupt governor into the same forest the children were taken, where he was tied between two trees and left to die. And they never saw the pied man again.
      And the moral isn't to be told until the story ends.

    11. Rats as big as dogs? You mean skeevers...

      Once upon a time three were three little pigs. They moved out of their mama's house and decided to build houses of their own. The First Little Pig built a house of straw. The Second Little Pig built a house of sticks. The Third Little Pig used bricks and cement.

      One day a hungry wolf came along and I guess he fancied some bacon. He went up to the First Little Pig's house, made of straw, and said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

      The First Little Pig said, "Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin." Which I guess is fairytale language for "go fuck yourself with a machete."

      Anyway the wolf wasn't having none of this shit and said, "Then I'll HUFF, and I'll PUFF, and I'll BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" And he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew the straw house down. Then he ate the First Little Pig.

      The next day Mr Wolf was hungry again, so he went to the Second Little Pig's house. And I swear, like the exact same fucking thing happened. And he nommed the Second Little Pig.

      The day after, Mr Wolf went to the Third Little Pig's house. "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

      Third Little Pig tells him to go fuck himself with a machete in fairytale language. Mr Wolf decides to go down the Third Little Pig's chimney. The Third Little Pig quickly puts a boiling pot of water there, and Mr Wolf lands it in, gets cooked and the pig eats him for supper.

      I mean how fucked up is that. Pigs aren't carnivores. Now that pig has a taste for fucking wolf meat. What the fuck is gonna happen when Father Christmas comes down his chimney. He's going to accquire a taste for human flesh, which he'll pass onto his little piglets, and then we'll all be FUCKED.

      I think the cold in this place is making me slightly delirious.

  3. Lemme join in.

    There was one a rich industrialist and he was sailing the seas on his rich looking boat.

    On it he had brocades and spices of all kinds (At that time, that shit was valuable). He's in the middle of the sea, it's warm inside the boat and quiet, beauty all around.

    And suddenly in one of his rooms where he kept all his valuable fabric's, rats started to chew through the fabrics and take a dump into the before mentioned spices. So how do you solve this problem?

    The Industrialist takes a box, catches and puts inside of it 5 rats, closes them there for a few weeks, until inside of the box remains only one rat, that had ate all of his fellow rats from hunger.

    And now we have who? Correct, The Rat Lion, who from all meals prefers what? Correct, the flesh and meat of his kind.

    So the industrialist sends The Rat Lion inside this room and instant success.

    Moral of the story? When your greed is big enough, your creativity grows.

    1. I think I heard that in James Bond...
      And a better moral would be along the lines of; The only obstacle to success is money and empathy. You need a lot of one, and a complete lack of the other.

      Anywho, fairytales...
      There was once an old lady who lived in a shoe. Shoes aren't allowed by Government zoning laws. She lives in an old folk's home now.

    2. You can see many morals in that story, famous one? We are food for ourselves. End of the world from the meteor? Nah. End of the world from overpopulation, food will end, what will remain? Ourselves. Besides, it is a proven scientific fact, that the similar meat, lies down with our stomach a lot more better, then the meat of other species. I mean, have you ever thought, who already started harvesting humans? Skywalker would approve.

      Your moral is not better, it is only better for you, there are many morals one can see in one story, I fully agree with my moral, because that is what I believe in and actually have seen. You'd be amazed what ways greedy people find in order to slip away without any harm coming to them, nor their belongings.

    3. @Kelevra - Once upon a time there was a necrophiliac who got us telling each other bedtime stories.

      @pHIL - Once upon a time there was a boy who became a proxy but still retained awesomeness and got drunk in a wine cellar.

    4. Once upon a time, someone, found their path.

    5. Many, many times, a person followed that path bloody end.

    6. The Path of Black Leaves? You were talking about pHIL?

    7. I'm fairly sure he was talking about you. After all, there was all that BS about 'helping you find your path'

    8. There are many paths, not only of The Black Leaves, Minxie...

      You're getting close, I can feel it.

    9. So you read about the freezing cold dual loop.

      What is my path?

    10. I told you many times, I don't know, thus why I'm intrigued in seeing the conclusion.

    11. I'm wondering what to do after the conclusion. Can't ever go back home, and screw care homes or foster homes, no one really wants a sixteen year old. I might as well accept it could be Starvation-Upon-Diseaseville for me.

    12. Working out the odds for this is a massive pain...
      Hey Sanna, could you give me a list of possible outcomes (in your opinion)? It's for science. And possibly gambling.

    13. Starvation
      Severe blood loss
      Head trauma
      General rapemurdery

    14. Thanks for being such a good sport on this. And be fair, depending on people like Med you could make it out alive. If you feel like being optimistic.

    15. All those lead to death, your thinking process is really narrow.

      Or you know what real options you have, you're just suppressing them inside of you, afraid of them, but at the same time excited.

      But I may be wrong of course.

    16. OK, I'll widen my horizons a little.

      Tortured to death
      Punctured lung
      Fed to a shark

    17. Humor, to cover your fear of admitting the truth, classic way of denial.

      Ala,s I would stay and chat, but I have to go now.

    18. Don't forget 'Horrific Teacosy accident'! It happens...

    19. I won't deny there are many options, many cards I am keeping close to my chest. Yes, I'm afraid of them. But even if I wasn't, I wouldn't put it down on here, because they don't seem likely.

      Why is it so hard for you two to wrap your brains around why I'm probably going to die? Do I need to reel through this again? No military training, no multiple personalities, no useful azoth, a dislocated shoulder, a bullet wound in the leg, a dead family, no home, and a deadly reluctance to sap the resources of others.

    20. -Teacosy accident
      -Failed (success?) pyrokinesis incident
      -Having a fridge pushed off a building land on me
      -Landing on a fridge after being pushed off a building

    21. Yeah, a lot of the outcomes where you survive rely on other people succeeding. Makes the odds hard- too many connections. And you forgot one asset you do have- most runners seem to have taken a shine to you, so they'll come if you need them. Also, wasn't strider helping you? The hollow is a really fucking creepy place, so if he chooses to live there it's a sign that he's powerful.
      So don't do yourself down just because in and of yourself you're a wee bit useless ( that sounded less harsh in my head)

    22. Once upon a time, there was a barnacle so ugly everyone died.

      The end.


    23. -Having to steal for money
      -Finding a successful begging spot
      -Having to prostitute self for money
      -Being kidnapped by sex traffickers
      -Falling in with organised crime, City of God style
      -Getting arrested

    24. You have one, very powerful asset that you are showing right here in these comments, that asset is the only thing that allowed you to survive this along and it will keep letting you survive.

      You know your weaknesses and you can maneuver around them.