Monday, October 14, 2013

Getting sick of this.

Of what? The pale lady at my door, you know, the one that transports you the second you touch her.

So yeah, she was standing at my door step, not quite sure, why not teleport in like she usually does, but whatever. I thought she was there for me, but nope.

Guess who else appeared out of nowhere, Dimok and now they were at a stare down, I have no idea what history both of them have, but whatever, I wasn't going to get into this war of stares, so I just casually walked off, they weren't saying anything anyways.

As for Egle, she was just sitting there, like always, but she was able to utter words.


"What why?"

"Why did you kill your parents, why do you want to see the world destroyed?"

"Why not?"

She looked at me.

"You and everyone else like to over think it so much. Tell me, what does matter in this world? People spend their lives living in a box, sitting in front of a box, working inside of a box and when they die, they end up in a box."

"How about the choices they make?"

"Just a delusion, everyone clings to freedom, not really knowing what freedom is and once they get that freedom, they lose purpose, humanity should fear freedom, but they are too stupid to understand that. All the goals they have, when they reach them, they lose purpose to life and though it may seem they are living a happy life, in reality, they are rotting from the inside. Life, dreams, death, hope, love, none of that stuff is enough to fill people's hearts, they always want more and that what makes them real monsters. They desire love, even though they don't know how to feel, they desire food, even though they don't feel hunger, people always desire something. In the end, when they fulfill those desires, what happens? They die and end up inside of a box."

She looked away from me.

"Tis my love for destruction, tis why I want to see the world go boom, maybe even cause it, it's an infinite goal, an impossible goal and after I fulfill it, nothing is left, no other desires, no lies, no monsters, a perfect end."

After that,she is still sitting like a statue, but at least she moves occasionally. The only reason I don't throw her out, is because she isn't getting in my way, so whatever.


  1. When people achieve their aims, they're left aimless? Bull. Shit.
    When people achieve their goals, they move on to another. When we landed on the moon weset our sights on Mars, when we achieved flight we looked across oceans. When we achieve our goals, they lend us purpose. They are what push mankind onwards and upwards.

    1. Exactly, humans are monsters, who always crave for things they don't really need, those goals, they are lies, illusions to cover up the harsh truth of reality, that is why there is never ONE ultimate goal.

    2. Is it so monstrous to strive for that which you do not have? You see people reaching for things they want; I see people bridging gaps to a utopia that they might never reach. Because you know what? That is the ultimate goal. Utopia. And even if we'll never make it, we will tread the path.

  2. Egle. EGLE. You don't want a crazy boyfriend, trust me. Am avut un tata vitreg nebun. A fost un IAD pentru familia MEA. Uneori, el a fost violent. FUTU-I. Fiu de cațea nu a putut NICIODATA fi calmat.

    As for you, Kelevra, I dispute that everyone ends up in a box, for example some people get cremated.

  3. If choice is a delusion, then why did you break away from Ritter? Why bother to fight to make such a choice?

    If I understand you, you're saying that the constant pursuit of goals- that which people don't need- is what makes them monstrous and thus you seek to bring an end to this constant chase. It seems that you view this chase in a negative way since you seek to end it, yet here you are, pursuing your own goal. You might argue that what you're doing is different because it is a singular goal that, once achieved will be the end of you and all else. However, it is as you said, an infinite, impossible goal- so instead of chasing multiple goals that are achieved and replaced, you have set yourself up on a cozy treadmill- chasing one goal that it is highly unlikely you will ever achieve.

    Therefore, it seems to me that by your own standard you are no better than those you call monstrous. Your goal is needless, your choices are delusion, so why bother? Why bother doing anything at all?

    1. Because it is the only course of action that makes sense.

      Whoever said I was better? I always said, that I was a monster, just like all of us, the only thing that is different, is that I have one, singular goal, does that make me better? Worse? I don't know, but I know fora fact that I don't lie to myself, I know exactly what I want, once I achieve that goal, there will be no replacements.

      You put it in the most funny way, isn't "Not doing anything." also a choice? What I meant by "Choice being an illusion" is that the freedom of choice is simply an illusion, people have no freedom, all the choices they make, something to give them purpose, because without a goal, that's when they get set free, same with me. Hence my goal, unlike most people, I'd rather face my fear and not replace it, I'd rather face freedom rather than replace it with different goals, I want to end freedom, to destroy it and the only way to do it, is destroy everything.

    2. Hm... Interesting. Yes, you are correct that not doing anything is a choice...Hm...

      But how are you facing your fear and freedom if you have given yourself a goal that by your own admission is an "infinite goal, an impossible goal"? If your goal is infinite, impossible or at the very least unlikely to be achieved then you will never be without a goal, you will never have to face your fear or freedom- or at least it is unlikely that you will.

    3. Maybe so, maybe I will never face it, but with this goal I will end it, the delusion of freedom. Because after I achieve my goal, I will end everything and nothing will exist, that is the only way to destroy freedom, that is the only way to make it stop following you, to make people stop changing their goals.

      I'm doing the world a favor, everybody lives in fear, even me, but despite that fear of freedom, I will destroy freedom, I will never face it, but I will end it.