Monday, May 26, 2014

You can all celebrate, since this is a Goodbye for me.

If you’re reading this, then… I finally decided to ascend to a different reality, where I might achieve my dream. Looking back on it now, my latest post, seems like I lost my mind for a second, it happens, I am human after all…or used to be and still, just like any of you, I am victim to emotion and no matter how much you try, you can’t escape it, you always feel.

All I ever wanted was to destroy the world, so that someone can rebuild it in a better light. Both acts are equally hard to commit, whoever told you that breaking is easier than fixing, their wrong. I had to go through so many lives, make other people's lives a living nightmare and I never felt bad about it. But this is where being a human comes and bites you in the ass, because, while you don't feel bad, you sympathize, because you are afraid, afraid of losing something those people lost, their goals, their purpose to life and that is probably the only thing I am afraid of, losing sight of my dreams, losing the ability to fulfill them and as I write this, I am surrounded with fear and that is why Incognito will take me down, I am afraid, fear limits me, not a good time to start being afraid...oh well, can't control our feelings.

I don’t usually do this, but please, for me, please, turn on this song and read with this song turned on the next paragraph, thank you.

And so Ladies and Gentlemen…

One man was always in pain, it was either too hot for him, or too cold. A lot of this, a lot of that, sometimes he wanted to yell from happiness, sometimes get into a corner from depression. From worry, his heart was getting paler, his body was slowly falling apart and thoughts were slowly getting stale in his head. And when he completely stopped changing, Death came and took him away.

“Well, did you enjoy, living?” Asked Death.

“Well and yes, and no: Life has sun, pleasure and love, but it also has coldness, disappointment and pain, but mainly, I didn’t find a meaning in it.”

Death giggled “When you were alive, there was a meaning, but along the way you lost it. So I’ll give you some advice, on how you can fix things. Talk to three teachers, they’ll help you remember everything.” After these words, Death turned into a butterfly and…

Darkness engulfed the man; the darkness was silent.

“How scary and cold, I will never be able to find anyone in this darkness.” Mumbled the man.

“I WAS WAITING FOR YOU!” It was the first teacher, Black God. He lived deep underground and was darkness itself. He said that the soul of a human, at the same time, without a stop, shines out both: Happiness and Sadness, which means that Human is the origin of everything. But only when the soul of a human is in balance, his empire is ruled by FREEDOM.

“I was waiting for you…” whispered the second Teacher, White God. He lived up high and was light itself, he told the man that eternity is now; that past and future are simply different forms of human memory, but only when a human is not living by the past and doesn’t run off into the future, his empire is ruled by FREEDOM.

“Why are you not looking for the Third Teacher” Asked Death.

“I was waiting for you; I want to tell you about the Black and White God’s, they were talking about the same thing but at the same time, about different things.”

“What were they talking about?”

“They were talking about me. I choose between White and Black; I choose between Good and Evil; Action and Absence of Action. I along with the world create everything and both of us create each other. When I bring beauty into this world, it becomes beautiful; when I bring destruction it becomes ruthless. That’s the point of life, I remembered.”

“Well, you found the Third Teacher” Said Death “Your own “I” now go ahead, tell others about it.”

Once the man got out into the real world, he started teaching everyone and became a great teacher. He lived far out on a hill and his house was always taken care of by his Gardner, whom loved his wise Teacher. The Gardner glowed in the dark and once The Teacher asked him: “How are you doing this?”

The Gardner said that he doesn’t know, that every second he reads this prayer which the teacher taught him.
“But you’re reading it incorrectly.” Corrects him the Teacher “You’re doing a mistake in this word, and this word and this one; you have to read like this…” The Gardner loved his Teacher very much so he did as he said…and stopped glowing.

After a few days, The Teacher calls his Gardner once again and says “You know, I talked with the Gods and they said, that you can read the prayer, like you read it before.”

And so ladies and Gentlemen, as we all know the world is surrounded by many paths, but they split into only two categories: The Path with a Heart and without a Heart. And the funny thing is, that those paths don’t differ that much, they are simply paths and none of them lead anywhere, unless we don’t splatter bits of our hearts on them. And talking very simply, this is the point: if you feel like you’re living with a person who doesn’t love you, leave, leave without regrets; if up until this point you’re doing something, that you never wanted to do, leave, leave without regrets! There is no Proxy, nor Runner, there is only your personal “I”, you are what you choose to be, you create Runner; Proxy; Survivor; Fighter etc… Not the other way around and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Do not Fear my friends, never Fear, do not limit yourselves with Fear, I did it at the final hour and it will be my undoing.

Thank you everybody, who over the time here, decided to put effort into these pieces, it means a lot to me, it means I am immortal, thank you:

         by KnitWolf                                                             by AliciaOwly\Shine    
         by Knitwolf     

Minxie: You were my first friend in all of this, even after I betrayed you and treated you like crap, you still considered me to be your friend and I appreciate it, I appreciate it immensely. You showed me, that I am still a human and I can change. I changed you and you changed me, I believe you have finally found your purpose, you have finally let go of your limits and I’m happy to be able to see it before I go away, your latest comments, your eyes are filled with confidence, you’re going to be alright. You are a protector, you want to protect the people around you, your protection instincts are sharper than your killer instincts and while that is not the outcome I was hoping for, it is the outcome you chose and at the end of the day, I can honestly say that I'm proud. Look at your older posts and look at you now, you changed, Fear no longer holds limits over you, never let it take the upper hand again. Thank you.

Veigar: Sorry my last post seemed not too professional to you. While you might have not understood me on a deep level, you appreciated my work and it always feels good and it inspires you to keep doing what you’re doing, when someone constantly shows their appreciation for your work. Thank you.

KnitWolf: I hope, somehow, you can see this. Thank you, sincerely, you were neither my enemy, or my friend, you were a colleague, you and I, we didn’t have a connection, or anything naïve like that. We had an understanding and respect, we knew what kind of process of thinking both of us went through, however, we never knew what exactly we thought and that is beautiful, I hope your friends succeed in whatever plan you have come up with and I hope they don’t fail. You hear me Fell and Hart, it is up to you now, to fulfill whatever she thought of. And Fell, these words are especially for you, you have to believe me when I say this, Knitty is still with you, she's watching over all of you and I bet she doesn't want to see you drinking yourself to death, I hope you know that, I bet you do.

Morningstar: I’ll open you a secret, I never liked you, I respected you, but I never liked you and somehow, I think you thought the same thing about me. It was fun, to talk to you, to encounter you, etc… Thanks, for making my time on this land, exciting.

Rose: I’m sorry; you sacrificed yourself, to grant me a gift, access to a safe place, a sacred ground where none of those vile creatures can access it. You granted me safety, but you granted me safety before, through your words, you were never judgmental and you never accused me of anything, when I talked to you, it’s as if I was talking to a being that was able to take away all the pain in the world, thank you.

Fortissimo: I’m not saying goodbye, I love you, you’ve been with me through thick and thin, you never questioned my loyalty, or my actions, you’ve always been there for me and I’m happy, that I get to become a part of you.

And finally…

Anton: I’m sorry, if I made your survival a living hell and I’m sorry for breaking you, but you must understand that I had to, in order to prolong your survival. If you kept these secrets hidden, locked away, blocked, you wouldn’t be able to carry on; you would accept that woman and you would hate yourself forever. Thank you, for being the one, to send me off on my journey and once again, I’m sorry.

And with these words, goodbye, but not forever, as I say this, I drop my own piece off of the board into the eternal abyss so The Game Master doesn’t have any control over me, once I’m gone.

Heh...Exactly 100 posts, how symbolic.


  1. Oh god, I'm gonna cry. Come here. I hope you can read this, my brother from another mother.

    "your protection instincts are sharper than your killer instincts" is like... that's the best thing anyone has ever said to me, ever, I meant it. All of it is; you said you were proud and that I'm going to be alright. That makes me tear up, man. I guess what I always wanted was for someone to say they're proud of me and to say I'm gonna be alright.

    I am not surprised that nobody has control over you, not in life, not in death. Honestly, you did more for me than you think, when I saw you I saw a person who wasn't held back, not because you were lucky (you weren't) but because you removed your barriers. I spent my whole life being controlled by something or someone, and trusting everyone except myself. I was taught to feel ashamed of taking up space in this world, but you give me hope - no, not hope, certainty - that I won't always feel that way if I keep working at it.

    Of course I'm still your friend after everything, I didn't sign up to be your friend thinking it was going to be easy. There is no point in having friends at all if you aren't willing to forgive and compromise.

    Прощай, I say that 'cause you told me that's how to say goodbye to friends in Russian. Alternatively, if I didn't get that right, I can confidently say what they do in my mama's country: ne vedem mai tarziu.

  2. I'm...not sure what to say.

    Honestly speechless right here.

    If you can read this, know Veigar isn't wrestling for control at this moment. All I feel is an all encompassing sadness deep within, that a worthy adversary has left this world.

    As much as it seemed we argued, I thank you. You helped me realise parts of me I would have never have accepted, such as my cowardice. Kelevra, you're one of the things that's given me confidence to fight back against the tentacled fucker that's controlled my life for so many years. I'm not even mad that I have to work with Bill to do it.

    A long as I have control I'm going to rock the shit out of the proxies if it's the last thing I do.

    See you on the other side you crazy sumbitch.

  3. You were right. Thanks for trying.
    Sleep well fucker