Stranger in Moscow

Home sweet home, the motherland, fuck all has changed since my death, still same gray buildings, non-stop rain, cold as fuck and an endless amount of zombies dragging their tired feet to work, thank God I got away from this place, it's fucking boring.

Been wandering in the rain for a few weeks now, not making much of a scene for now, want to lay low, I'm aware that whoever this person I'm hunting down, whether it is Dimir, or somebody pretending to be him, are aware that I'm in the country. Hence why I'm going to abstain from attracting too much attention to myself for now, however, I have been observing how the proxy operations have changed after Dimir's swift and sudden fall from grace.

And I gotta say, it's become a lot more disjointed for sure, the connections within the authority he used to have, are obviously not there anymore, otherwise I would have immediately been noticed at the airport and followed, however, apart from Slendy, who in fact has been following me, as if KGB was doggin' me, nobody else is on my trail. Still don't understand why Slendy is just observing what I do, instead of outright attacking me, clearly Slendy isn't trying to scare me, cause I'm simply not scared of him and he knows that. Well whatever, he's not interfering, so why should I complain?

However, thinking about the proxies under Dimir's wing, got me nostalgic and I thought it'd be a good idea to duck in this little cafe for a bit, since my wish for the rain to just let me be isn't going to be answered today and write up my post about why I dislike Dimir so much, since our history was never really covered in detail.

Quick recap, the day I met Fortissimo was the same day I met Slendy for the first time. This was shortly after my escape from the asylum I spent most of my childhood in, I took 5 lives after my escape and I was pursuing the sixth one, this woman, with a backpack, looked like a hitchhiker, was running through this park, clearly afraid of something, at the time I thought it was me, since I was pursuing her, however, as I killed her and was met with Slendy, I quickly realized that it wasn't me she was running from or scared of. The rest of the story you all know, I thought he was a hallucination of my sleep deprived brain, attacked him, got a tentacle showed in my mouth, bit it off and swallowed it, ran away, tentacle continues to grow inside of me, causing armageddon of the brain, etc, etc.

What you don't know, is that it turns out one of Dimir's proxies at the time was also tailing this woman, they just backed off once Slendy interfered and simply observed. So they saw my first ever meeting with Slendy and no doubt reported about it to Dimir. Next thing I know, as I lay in hiding, coping with the fact that my darling was ripping my body from the inside to get comfortable, I get bum rushed by a bunch of masked people out of nowhere, knocked out and I wake up in some sort of cold cell, with a camera attached to the ceiling, spent a few days in there without anybody visiting me, feeding me, or anything really, not that I needed the company, since I was busy dealing with the visitor within me, my darling, these were the days of us communicating with each other for the first time.

However, at some point, Dimir himself would come to visit me for the first time, he'd tell me all about Slendy, who he was, what he does, who are his servants, you know, the whole ordeal. I remember laughing at him, calling him crazier than me, he wasn't going to convince me that there's some eldritch abomination walking around there, killing random teenagers. No, that would be the doing of my darling, whom I was just learning to communicate with, Dimir would proceed to leave me in the cell on my own for a few extra days and during that time, the countless conversations with my darling made me realize, that what Dimir was saying, was true.

My reaction when I learned that all of this existed? I was excited, happy even, you see, I wanted to destroy everything since I was born, but the goal just seemed too unattainable, unrealistic, so I just settled for taking lives, but when you learn that the super natural really does exist, well you realize that ANYTHING can exist, I got excited because my goal didn't seem unrealistic anymore, the shackles of reality were ripped apart with the learning of Slendy's existence, at this point, anything was possible. So in my excitement, I yelled into the camera within my cell, that I would love to join the proxies, just so I could learn more.

And so my journey into the proxy family began, I'd be doing a few odd jobs here and there when asked, most of the times however I'd disobey orders and outright abandon the assignments I was given, I mean, they expect me to sit on my ass in bushes for an entire day, all just to observe one person as they go about their mundane day? No thank you.

Naturally, because of that, I'd get chewed out a lot by various proxies that were higher on the food chain, I was just surprised they didn't try to just kill me, of course I would later find out that the reason of why I wasn't simply disposed of, was because Dimir wanted me to be around specifically. I remember I was located in one of the safe houses for proxies, funded by Dimir which wasn't the only thing he did for the Proxies, he would also go around different safe houses and talk to them, mainly explain how important their missions are and shit like that, you know, pep talk type of shit. And he just so happened to be visiting a safe house that I was in at the time, he gave his regular speech to all the proxies within the building, but then he pulled me aside and spoke to me in private.

This is the part from which my hatred stems for him. He wanted to know why I was fucking up so much and not following orders, to which I told him that I didn't really care about Slendy, nor spreading fear of him, I was interested in my goals, I was using this servitude as an opportunity to learn more about the super natural, stalking random teens wasn't the way to do so. Dimir would proceed to plant ideas into my young and impressionable brain at the time, that it took patience to learn the things I want to learn about, which required dedication, he said that he saw great potential in me, based on the fact that I wasn't even supposed to be here, that my determination was my greatest strength which allowed me to, in his mind, tame the creature within me and use it as if it were a gift granted to me from Slendy.

And you know what? I ate that shit up, I actually started committing to the missions I was given, I began to be less antagonizing towards my fellow proxies and as time would go by, I would actually begin to believe that my relationship with my darling, wasn't indeed a relationship, it was a dictatorship, the idea that I tamed her and used her as I saw fit as suggested by Dimir, that thought began to solidify. And of course, that didn't sit well with my darling, we'd begin fighting amongst each other more often, she'd tear my body apart, I would demean her further, it was bad.

And then it happened, for the first time, she opened her knowledge to me for a few seconds, the incomprehensive things that I saw, nearly drove me mad, but even more so it reminded me of how little I am, how my life means nothing, how this entire operation orchestrated by Dimir means absolutely nothing, when faced with incomprehensible. She reminded me that nothing really matters, I'm sure that wasn't her intention, that she did it to teach me a lesson, but she did more than that, she re-ignited a spark within me, reminded me of that passionate goal that made us bond to begin with, non-existence.

Our relationship healed and from that day on, I would ignore any and all assignments given to me by my bosses, I completely dismissed proxies and their idiotic ideas and petty, meaningless goals. And I would develop hatred for Dimir, for trying to manipulate my young self to aid in his personal goals, for trying to take away my goal from me, for sabotaging my relationship with my darling, whether intentional, or not.

I grew to hate the concept of servitude, but even more than that, I hated those who forced people into servitude, whether by force, or trickery, it didn't matter. People who impose their meaningless shit onto others, simply because they feel like their shit is far more important than anyone else's, shit like that used to drive me up the wall.

Hence why I'm here, now, I never got to pay Dimir back for the things he has done, for the countless of people he imposed his shitty goals onto, but my even greater regret, is that I never got to introduce him to Fortissimo, the one he referred to as nothing more than a tool.

Well, no he will get to meet her, if it is indeed him, we're talkin' danger baby.