Rain finally stopped, good, it's annoying enough to wash out blood from my bandages, I don't need it getting smeared by rain on top of that. However, the rain of russian proxies trying to hunt down my ass just doesn't stop, which is good, it makes me happy, I rather enjoy cutting down blind sheep, it makes for a good pass time.
However, it is quite annoying that they do it while I'm sight seeing, it's like a guy trying to lounge on their recliner under the sun, but is constantly annoyed by all the mosquitoes flying around him. However, unlike mosquitoes, humans tend to have survival instincts, kill enough of them and they back off for a while, realizing, that randomly bum rushing this guy, doesn't work, fucking morons, holy shit, no wonder they serve.
But I'm moaning, let's get back to the sight seeing part of this post. See, seizing the opportunity of being in Moscow, my home city, I decided to visit all the places that hold a certain amount of significance to me.
The first one being, where it all began for me and ended, the church that my parents owned. The church where I killed them when I was 6. Funnily enough, I can't even remember anything before I was 6, it's as if my body was born, whenever it was born, however, my true self only came into existence after that moment. Oh I remember it so perfectly, seeing their confused, horrified faces, the fatality of it all, it's as if in that moment, everything finally started to make sense. After that I got locked up in the asylum for the majority of my life and I'd hear all of these robes say that the reason I killed them is because they abused me, or something else among those lines, when in reality, no such thing happened, I do not remember holding any ill will towards my parents, not even during the moment that I was killing them, I just did it, it just made sense, that's it, yet, no matter how many times I would explain it to them, they'd just disregard it, saying it's the trauma speaking. It's just funny to me, how humans, when faced with truth and how horrifying it is, will willingly ignore or disregard it, which is one of the main reasons I try to be honest, it's really entertaining to see people trying to deny it.
And of course, several years later, this is the place where my past self passed away, by his hand...
It's funny really, if I were to believe in the existence of fate, this would definitely be the case for it, the fact that my birth took place in the same place as his. The moment when Sergei a.k.a. Incognito was born, was in the very same church, many years later when it's ownership passed on to another. A priest who snapped when Incognito's wife and daughter were in the confession booth, who chopped them down with an axe right before Incognito's eyes. It's funny really, according to the news papers, the Priest was yelling and raving about how he couldn't take it anymore, how all sinners must pay, sounds like a familiar philosophy, doesn't it? But it doesn't matter, what did matter is that, that incident gave birth to a man with a mission, a man who tried his damn best to see the world in only black and white, the guilty and the innocent, one deserved to live and the other, didn't. A man who desperately tried to destroy his feelings so that they wouldn't interfere with his work and for the most part, he succeeded. He almost forgot about the existence of his family, he forgot what fear felt like, when he encountered Slendy for the first time, for him, it was just a bump in the road that was his mission, to rid the world of monsters. It's too bad, that a certain, annoying little mosquito named Kelevra would remind him, that those feelings of loss, never left him and would then proceed to dredge them up in order to remind Incognito, that he is only human, which is the type of revelation that killed him in the end.
But don't look at that as me being proud of his death, on the contrary, I wish that he was still around, but he didn't want to be, his new found humanity conflicted with his new found ideals, death was the only way out for him, in all honesty and he knew that, always.
But I had to know something, his last thoughts, before he died, I had to know, so I traveled to his last used hideout, him and his family's house.
It was a simple, neighborhood house at some point, now it's just a sore spot for the neighborhood it's placed in, filthy, dusty and abandoned and yet, untouched. No graffiti, or any sign of recent entry, any damage caused to the house, looks like it was caused by the fact that this thing stood here for so long.
I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to come back to that place, Sergei. You must've really had nowhere else to go, or maybe every reason to make yourself suffer. Found a bunch of journals, all stacked up in the corner in a messy pile, I wanted to read them so much, wanted to know what you were thinking as you sensed your death approaching, but I just couldn't. Not after I saw the sign you scribbled on the wall with your own blood: "I'm sorry."
God, there must have been so many things you were apologizing for: The desecration of a child's grave; the inability to protect Minxie; the inability to protect your family; the fact that you started a family to begin with. So many dark thoughts, walking through this house alone felt like I was walking through the darkest corners of your mind, it honestly was enough. You were free to keep your final thoughts to yourself, nobody will ever know about them, because I burned it down, all of it.
I'm done with sight seeing, Dimir, you're next.
What if nobody showed up at Armageddon?
Sunday, October 28, 2018
Saturday, October 13, 2018
Stranger in Moscow
Home sweet home, the motherland, fuck all has changed since my death, still same gray buildings, non-stop rain, cold as fuck and an endless amount of zombies dragging their tired feet to work, thank God I got away from this place, it's fucking boring.
Been wandering in the rain for a few weeks now, not making much of a scene for now, want to lay low, I'm aware that whoever this person I'm hunting down, whether it is Dimir, or somebody pretending to be him, are aware that I'm in the country. Hence why I'm going to abstain from attracting too much attention to myself for now, however, I have been observing how the proxy operations have changed after Dimir's swift and sudden fall from grace.
And I gotta say, it's become a lot more disjointed for sure, the connections within the authority he used to have, are obviously not there anymore, otherwise I would have immediately been noticed at the airport and followed, however, apart from Slendy, who in fact has been following me, as if KGB was doggin' me, nobody else is on my trail. Still don't understand why Slendy is just observing what I do, instead of outright attacking me, clearly Slendy isn't trying to scare me, cause I'm simply not scared of him and he knows that. Well whatever, he's not interfering, so why should I complain?
However, thinking about the proxies under Dimir's wing, got me nostalgic and I thought it'd be a good idea to duck in this little cafe for a bit, since my wish for the rain to just let me be isn't going to be answered today and write up my post about why I dislike Dimir so much, since our history was never really covered in detail.
Quick recap, the day I met Fortissimo was the same day I met Slendy for the first time. This was shortly after my escape from the asylum I spent most of my childhood in, I took 5 lives after my escape and I was pursuing the sixth one, this woman, with a backpack, looked like a hitchhiker, was running through this park, clearly afraid of something, at the time I thought it was me, since I was pursuing her, however, as I killed her and was met with Slendy, I quickly realized that it wasn't me she was running from or scared of. The rest of the story you all know, I thought he was a hallucination of my sleep deprived brain, attacked him, got a tentacle showed in my mouth, bit it off and swallowed it, ran away, tentacle continues to grow inside of me, causing armageddon of the brain, etc, etc.
What you don't know, is that it turns out one of Dimir's proxies at the time was also tailing this woman, they just backed off once Slendy interfered and simply observed. So they saw my first ever meeting with Slendy and no doubt reported about it to Dimir. Next thing I know, as I lay in hiding, coping with the fact that my darling was ripping my body from the inside to get comfortable, I get bum rushed by a bunch of masked people out of nowhere, knocked out and I wake up in some sort of cold cell, with a camera attached to the ceiling, spent a few days in there without anybody visiting me, feeding me, or anything really, not that I needed the company, since I was busy dealing with the visitor within me, my darling, these were the days of us communicating with each other for the first time.
However, at some point, Dimir himself would come to visit me for the first time, he'd tell me all about Slendy, who he was, what he does, who are his servants, you know, the whole ordeal. I remember laughing at him, calling him crazier than me, he wasn't going to convince me that there's some eldritch abomination walking around there, killing random teenagers. No, that would be the doing of my darling, whom I was just learning to communicate with, Dimir would proceed to leave me in the cell on my own for a few extra days and during that time, the countless conversations with my darling made me realize, that what Dimir was saying, was true.
My reaction when I learned that all of this existed? I was excited, happy even, you see, I wanted to destroy everything since I was born, but the goal just seemed too unattainable, unrealistic, so I just settled for taking lives, but when you learn that the super natural really does exist, well you realize that ANYTHING can exist, I got excited because my goal didn't seem unrealistic anymore, the shackles of reality were ripped apart with the learning of Slendy's existence, at this point, anything was possible. So in my excitement, I yelled into the camera within my cell, that I would love to join the proxies, just so I could learn more.
And so my journey into the proxy family began, I'd be doing a few odd jobs here and there when asked, most of the times however I'd disobey orders and outright abandon the assignments I was given, I mean, they expect me to sit on my ass in bushes for an entire day, all just to observe one person as they go about their mundane day? No thank you.
Naturally, because of that, I'd get chewed out a lot by various proxies that were higher on the food chain, I was just surprised they didn't try to just kill me, of course I would later find out that the reason of why I wasn't simply disposed of, was because Dimir wanted me to be around specifically. I remember I was located in one of the safe houses for proxies, funded by Dimir which wasn't the only thing he did for the Proxies, he would also go around different safe houses and talk to them, mainly explain how important their missions are and shit like that, you know, pep talk type of shit. And he just so happened to be visiting a safe house that I was in at the time, he gave his regular speech to all the proxies within the building, but then he pulled me aside and spoke to me in private.
This is the part from which my hatred stems for him. He wanted to know why I was fucking up so much and not following orders, to which I told him that I didn't really care about Slendy, nor spreading fear of him, I was interested in my goals, I was using this servitude as an opportunity to learn more about the super natural, stalking random teens wasn't the way to do so. Dimir would proceed to plant ideas into my young and impressionable brain at the time, that it took patience to learn the things I want to learn about, which required dedication, he said that he saw great potential in me, based on the fact that I wasn't even supposed to be here, that my determination was my greatest strength which allowed me to, in his mind, tame the creature within me and use it as if it were a gift granted to me from Slendy.
And you know what? I ate that shit up, I actually started committing to the missions I was given, I began to be less antagonizing towards my fellow proxies and as time would go by, I would actually begin to believe that my relationship with my darling, wasn't indeed a relationship, it was a dictatorship, the idea that I tamed her and used her as I saw fit as suggested by Dimir, that thought began to solidify. And of course, that didn't sit well with my darling, we'd begin fighting amongst each other more often, she'd tear my body apart, I would demean her further, it was bad.
And then it happened, for the first time, she opened her knowledge to me for a few seconds, the incomprehensive things that I saw, nearly drove me mad, but even more so it reminded me of how little I am, how my life means nothing, how this entire operation orchestrated by Dimir means absolutely nothing, when faced with incomprehensible. She reminded me that nothing really matters, I'm sure that wasn't her intention, that she did it to teach me a lesson, but she did more than that, she re-ignited a spark within me, reminded me of that passionate goal that made us bond to begin with, non-existence.
Our relationship healed and from that day on, I would ignore any and all assignments given to me by my bosses, I completely dismissed proxies and their idiotic ideas and petty, meaningless goals. And I would develop hatred for Dimir, for trying to manipulate my young self to aid in his personal goals, for trying to take away my goal from me, for sabotaging my relationship with my darling, whether intentional, or not.
I grew to hate the concept of servitude, but even more than that, I hated those who forced people into servitude, whether by force, or trickery, it didn't matter. People who impose their meaningless shit onto others, simply because they feel like their shit is far more important than anyone else's, shit like that used to drive me up the wall.
Hence why I'm here, now, I never got to pay Dimir back for the things he has done, for the countless of people he imposed his shitty goals onto, but my even greater regret, is that I never got to introduce him to Fortissimo, the one he referred to as nothing more than a tool.
Well, no he will get to meet her, if it is indeed him, we're talkin' danger baby.
Been wandering in the rain for a few weeks now, not making much of a scene for now, want to lay low, I'm aware that whoever this person I'm hunting down, whether it is Dimir, or somebody pretending to be him, are aware that I'm in the country. Hence why I'm going to abstain from attracting too much attention to myself for now, however, I have been observing how the proxy operations have changed after Dimir's swift and sudden fall from grace.
And I gotta say, it's become a lot more disjointed for sure, the connections within the authority he used to have, are obviously not there anymore, otherwise I would have immediately been noticed at the airport and followed, however, apart from Slendy, who in fact has been following me, as if KGB was doggin' me, nobody else is on my trail. Still don't understand why Slendy is just observing what I do, instead of outright attacking me, clearly Slendy isn't trying to scare me, cause I'm simply not scared of him and he knows that. Well whatever, he's not interfering, so why should I complain?
However, thinking about the proxies under Dimir's wing, got me nostalgic and I thought it'd be a good idea to duck in this little cafe for a bit, since my wish for the rain to just let me be isn't going to be answered today and write up my post about why I dislike Dimir so much, since our history was never really covered in detail.
Quick recap, the day I met Fortissimo was the same day I met Slendy for the first time. This was shortly after my escape from the asylum I spent most of my childhood in, I took 5 lives after my escape and I was pursuing the sixth one, this woman, with a backpack, looked like a hitchhiker, was running through this park, clearly afraid of something, at the time I thought it was me, since I was pursuing her, however, as I killed her and was met with Slendy, I quickly realized that it wasn't me she was running from or scared of. The rest of the story you all know, I thought he was a hallucination of my sleep deprived brain, attacked him, got a tentacle showed in my mouth, bit it off and swallowed it, ran away, tentacle continues to grow inside of me, causing armageddon of the brain, etc, etc.
What you don't know, is that it turns out one of Dimir's proxies at the time was also tailing this woman, they just backed off once Slendy interfered and simply observed. So they saw my first ever meeting with Slendy and no doubt reported about it to Dimir. Next thing I know, as I lay in hiding, coping with the fact that my darling was ripping my body from the inside to get comfortable, I get bum rushed by a bunch of masked people out of nowhere, knocked out and I wake up in some sort of cold cell, with a camera attached to the ceiling, spent a few days in there without anybody visiting me, feeding me, or anything really, not that I needed the company, since I was busy dealing with the visitor within me, my darling, these were the days of us communicating with each other for the first time.
However, at some point, Dimir himself would come to visit me for the first time, he'd tell me all about Slendy, who he was, what he does, who are his servants, you know, the whole ordeal. I remember laughing at him, calling him crazier than me, he wasn't going to convince me that there's some eldritch abomination walking around there, killing random teenagers. No, that would be the doing of my darling, whom I was just learning to communicate with, Dimir would proceed to leave me in the cell on my own for a few extra days and during that time, the countless conversations with my darling made me realize, that what Dimir was saying, was true.
My reaction when I learned that all of this existed? I was excited, happy even, you see, I wanted to destroy everything since I was born, but the goal just seemed too unattainable, unrealistic, so I just settled for taking lives, but when you learn that the super natural really does exist, well you realize that ANYTHING can exist, I got excited because my goal didn't seem unrealistic anymore, the shackles of reality were ripped apart with the learning of Slendy's existence, at this point, anything was possible. So in my excitement, I yelled into the camera within my cell, that I would love to join the proxies, just so I could learn more.
And so my journey into the proxy family began, I'd be doing a few odd jobs here and there when asked, most of the times however I'd disobey orders and outright abandon the assignments I was given, I mean, they expect me to sit on my ass in bushes for an entire day, all just to observe one person as they go about their mundane day? No thank you.
Naturally, because of that, I'd get chewed out a lot by various proxies that were higher on the food chain, I was just surprised they didn't try to just kill me, of course I would later find out that the reason of why I wasn't simply disposed of, was because Dimir wanted me to be around specifically. I remember I was located in one of the safe houses for proxies, funded by Dimir which wasn't the only thing he did for the Proxies, he would also go around different safe houses and talk to them, mainly explain how important their missions are and shit like that, you know, pep talk type of shit. And he just so happened to be visiting a safe house that I was in at the time, he gave his regular speech to all the proxies within the building, but then he pulled me aside and spoke to me in private.
This is the part from which my hatred stems for him. He wanted to know why I was fucking up so much and not following orders, to which I told him that I didn't really care about Slendy, nor spreading fear of him, I was interested in my goals, I was using this servitude as an opportunity to learn more about the super natural, stalking random teens wasn't the way to do so. Dimir would proceed to plant ideas into my young and impressionable brain at the time, that it took patience to learn the things I want to learn about, which required dedication, he said that he saw great potential in me, based on the fact that I wasn't even supposed to be here, that my determination was my greatest strength which allowed me to, in his mind, tame the creature within me and use it as if it were a gift granted to me from Slendy.
And you know what? I ate that shit up, I actually started committing to the missions I was given, I began to be less antagonizing towards my fellow proxies and as time would go by, I would actually begin to believe that my relationship with my darling, wasn't indeed a relationship, it was a dictatorship, the idea that I tamed her and used her as I saw fit as suggested by Dimir, that thought began to solidify. And of course, that didn't sit well with my darling, we'd begin fighting amongst each other more often, she'd tear my body apart, I would demean her further, it was bad.
And then it happened, for the first time, she opened her knowledge to me for a few seconds, the incomprehensive things that I saw, nearly drove me mad, but even more so it reminded me of how little I am, how my life means nothing, how this entire operation orchestrated by Dimir means absolutely nothing, when faced with incomprehensible. She reminded me that nothing really matters, I'm sure that wasn't her intention, that she did it to teach me a lesson, but she did more than that, she re-ignited a spark within me, reminded me of that passionate goal that made us bond to begin with, non-existence.
Our relationship healed and from that day on, I would ignore any and all assignments given to me by my bosses, I completely dismissed proxies and their idiotic ideas and petty, meaningless goals. And I would develop hatred for Dimir, for trying to manipulate my young self to aid in his personal goals, for trying to take away my goal from me, for sabotaging my relationship with my darling, whether intentional, or not.
I grew to hate the concept of servitude, but even more than that, I hated those who forced people into servitude, whether by force, or trickery, it didn't matter. People who impose their meaningless shit onto others, simply because they feel like their shit is far more important than anyone else's, shit like that used to drive me up the wall.
Hence why I'm here, now, I never got to pay Dimir back for the things he has done, for the countless of people he imposed his shitty goals onto, but my even greater regret, is that I never got to introduce him to Fortissimo, the one he referred to as nothing more than a tool.
Well, no he will get to meet her, if it is indeed him, we're talkin' danger baby.
Monday, October 1, 2018
Teachers and Students
Alright, so I've been quiet for a bit, that's because we were busy, we were doing some investigative work and traveling, we've stayed under the radar long enough, which now allows me to talk about what we've been looking into specifically.
So while we were busy burning down the loop hideout of the fuckers that kidnapped and fucked with my darling, we made it a point to rummage through their list of benefactors, who were their funders, it was a pretty long damn list, spanning over decades and decades. I figured I'd release it publicly to steer up some shit, which would in turn take eyes off of me and others. However, what I did not expect was to stumble upon a name, I have not heard or seen in a long time now.
The name that belonged to the man who took me "under his wing" as he liked to believe, the man who introduced me to the business side of things in regards to being a proxy, the man who thought he could teach me out of my idiotic goals and shape me into his successor. The guy had an eye for talent, but God damn was he biting off more than he could chew.
That man was none other than Dimir Volkov a.k.a. The Oracle of Russia, before he was killed by Sergei.
You know, reading that whole confrontation back makes me really sad, I miss Sergei and his amazing skills regarding violence, that entire showdown he described between him and Dimir, it's simply beautiful, two men, ripping each other to shreds until one of them stops moving, it's beautiful, animosity at it's finest. Hell the build up itself is something to be appreciated, I never thought Sergei was capable of stooping so low as to dig up someone's dead children, just to fish them out of their hiding place.
Fucking poetry, but regardless, I'm getting off topic. Up until this point, I thought Sergei finished off Dimir for good, I mean, not a lot of people can survive a hit to the temple from a hammer and then a bullet to the head. But according to this list, there is a chance that he did, indeed survive, it states that a good chunk of money was forwarded to this organization from his name, back in 2017. Now there is a good chance that somebody might be using his name to forward payments, but then that makes me even more curious, in any case, me and my darling are traveling to my home country, Russia.
I want to tie this loose end for good, in the slightest chance that this is indeed Dimir, I wanted to kill him for years, for trying to steal my vision away from me, cloud my head and worst of all, take my darling under his control.
There is a lot of bad blood between us and if he's alive, well, it's my turn to kill you Dimir.
I sincerely hope it's you.
So while we were busy burning down the loop hideout of the fuckers that kidnapped and fucked with my darling, we made it a point to rummage through their list of benefactors, who were their funders, it was a pretty long damn list, spanning over decades and decades. I figured I'd release it publicly to steer up some shit, which would in turn take eyes off of me and others. However, what I did not expect was to stumble upon a name, I have not heard or seen in a long time now.
The name that belonged to the man who took me "under his wing" as he liked to believe, the man who introduced me to the business side of things in regards to being a proxy, the man who thought he could teach me out of my idiotic goals and shape me into his successor. The guy had an eye for talent, but God damn was he biting off more than he could chew.
That man was none other than Dimir Volkov a.k.a. The Oracle of Russia, before he was killed by Sergei.
You know, reading that whole confrontation back makes me really sad, I miss Sergei and his amazing skills regarding violence, that entire showdown he described between him and Dimir, it's simply beautiful, two men, ripping each other to shreds until one of them stops moving, it's beautiful, animosity at it's finest. Hell the build up itself is something to be appreciated, I never thought Sergei was capable of stooping so low as to dig up someone's dead children, just to fish them out of their hiding place.
Fucking poetry, but regardless, I'm getting off topic. Up until this point, I thought Sergei finished off Dimir for good, I mean, not a lot of people can survive a hit to the temple from a hammer and then a bullet to the head. But according to this list, there is a chance that he did, indeed survive, it states that a good chunk of money was forwarded to this organization from his name, back in 2017. Now there is a good chance that somebody might be using his name to forward payments, but then that makes me even more curious, in any case, me and my darling are traveling to my home country, Russia.
I want to tie this loose end for good, in the slightest chance that this is indeed Dimir, I wanted to kill him for years, for trying to steal my vision away from me, cloud my head and worst of all, take my darling under his control.
There is a lot of bad blood between us and if he's alive, well, it's my turn to kill you Dimir.
I sincerely hope it's you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)