Thursday, April 10, 2014

Studies: Re-Living the Tragedy

The smell of bacon and eggs being cooked on the oven by my wife was amazing, I waited behind the table with my beautiful little daughter.

"Once upon a time, Mr. Incognito was a family man. He had a wife and beautiful little girl. A nice home in the suburbs, a quiet, happy life. It looked for all the world like he'd simply grow old and get fat, and bounce his grandkids on his knee. But one day he and his wife decided to take their daughter to the church for the first time, Incognito's family just happened to get under the Axe of an insane Priest, they get chopped up, the whole family, except Incognito. And that's what flipped the switch inside him, that's what turned him into Mr. Incognito."

My wife turned around, bringing the bacon and eggs over to the table.

"Now what I'm trying to do is get inside his head so I can..."

"Please let us go..."

She sat beside my daughter, poor dear, she was tired of her job and here I was talking about my job on top of that.

"Oh you're right, I shouldn't talk about work over breakfast, so sorry. I'm new to this whole family thing, you know."

I started eating my breakfast, they just sat there looking at me, I felt bad that I was the only one eating, but then again, I was kind of hungry, but once they noticed that I was worried about them, they started eating as well.

"I must say though, I'm really starting to like it. I never saw myself as much of a settled-down, wife-and-children sorta guy, but it's not a bad life."

I saw my little daughter eating, while looking at me.

"You kids... Man, I gotta say, I now see what all the fuss is about with you guys, I really do. Watching you two cry yourselves to sleep last night, it really hit me, life is precious, we've got to live everyday like it's last, because you never know, it just might be."

I finished my meal.

"That's why I've got a very important day planned for us today. So eat up, your gonna need your energy. We're going to take our daughter to the church for the first time dear, isn't this what you always wanted to do?"

After that we all got inside the car and I made sure everyone was strapped in, as I went behind the steering wheel, I kept on saying.

"Hi, my name is Mr. Incognito and I'm a happy family man. I'm going to the church with my family, going to introduce my daughter to the family tradition, cause it is very important. Hi my name is Mr. Incognito and I'm a happy family man..."

We went to the Church which my wife always visited, as we were walking down the hall toward the confession booth, my daughter looked up at me and said:

"Please don't hurt us..."

"Hurt you? Are you kidding? I could never hurt you! I love you! All of you, with all my heart!"

We were getting closer to the booth.

"You're my world, you truly are! I don't know what I'd do without you."

We very close to the confession booth.

"I said, I don't know what I'd do without you!"

A crazy priest ran out of the confession booth, hacking and slashing my family down with an Axe, I watched the horror happen in front of my eye and during all of that, only on thought was rolling through my head:

"My name is Mr. Incognito and this is the happiest day of my life..."

I watched it happen until my family was completely dead, I sat on the ground for a few minutes, searching for a feeling...but I felt nothing...

"Boss? Boss, did I do it right?"

"It didn't work, I didn't feel it, I didn't feel anything..."


"It didn't work, we'll have to do it again."

This is a hard experiment, will have to take a few tries to work.


  1. Are you FUCKING kidding me? You really were trying to reenact this shit? Oh god no what the fuck is happening to me I swear to god I am going fucking crazy. Sorry Kelevra, I don't know what is happening to me...

    Incidentally what the fuck are you doing I am going to find you and rip your bandages off and fucking strangle you with them you FUCK.

    Maybe you shouldn't refer to yourself as Incognito. A generic name would work. Like Sergei or Aleksandr.

    1. OK OK OK, I see that you're going to ignore what I said and keep fucking do it, so... I'm a little girl, not as little, but still a little girl, so I volunteer, I volunteer to get hacked down by an axe if it will stop you from fucking up at least one innocent person. And if you think I'm too old for that, then I volunteer as the wife, just stop taking it out on innocent fucking people. Hell, you might have more of a chance of feeling something if it's someone you know.

    2. You would't work, you don't have a mother who is Christian.


      ^ I'm giving you an F on reading comprehension!

      "I was raised atheist, that's what I always say, because my upbringing drew me to the conclusion there is no God, loooonng ago. my mam howevr was deeply religous and always wanting to atone, because i was born out of wedlock and the product of an affair. So, as is tradition in Moldova, she tried to raise me as orthodox. eventually i worked out it was easier to just pretend, I said all the prayers and covered my hair in church, didnt believe any of it. So that's my experince with religion."

      Although, if his family weren't Orthodox then I get it.

    4. No, you don't get it, you don't HAVE a mother anymore, you don't fit.

    5. And you don't have a daughter or a wife.

      Honestly, the more you do it, the more you'll get used to it and be less likely to react.

      But maybe the devil is in the details. I mean how do you even know they had bacon and eggs that day? How do you know the wife was making them when it could have been Incognito? How do you he was the one driving them to church when it could have been his wife driving?

      Fuck, why am I even encouraging you, stop the fuckin madness and decapitate a puppy instead.

    6. You make valid points, I believe this experiment can officially be noted as a failure, I won't get inside his head this way.

      I need something else.

    7. Christ, thank fuck for that...

  2. Maybe you should find a woman who's divorced with a kid, and fall in love with her! Don't give up on love. I don't give up on love and I have a vast collection of restraining orders to prove it. I started to make them into wallpaper and artwork just to use them up. Or smoking meth with them if I don't like the person any more.


    1. They can't be divorced, Incogny wasn't divorced, they need to be married and happy with their marriage, the mother needs to be a complete Christian, the child needs to be a girl and not religious.

    2. All this "happy families" and "love" is weirding me out. I thought they were only in American TV shows? I didn't realise that kind of thing existed.

      Cause if you ask me, family = hell.

  3. You sick FUCK! 14! 14 fucking families in one week! You depraved fucking maniac! I'm going to murder you!