Down Memory Lane.

Rain finally stopped, good, it's annoying enough to wash out blood from my bandages, I don't need it getting smeared by rain on top of that. However, the rain of russian proxies trying to hunt down my ass just doesn't stop, which is good, it makes me happy, I rather enjoy cutting down blind sheep, it makes for a good pass time.

However, it is quite annoying that they do it while I'm sight seeing, it's like a guy trying to lounge on their recliner under the sun, but is constantly annoyed by all the mosquitoes flying around him. However, unlike mosquitoes, humans tend to have survival instincts, kill enough of them and they back off for a while, realizing, that randomly bum rushing this guy, doesn't work, fucking morons, holy shit, no wonder they serve.

But I'm moaning, let's get back to the sight seeing part of this post. See, seizing the opportunity of being in Moscow, my home city, I decided to visit all the places that hold a certain amount of significance to me.

The first one being, where it all began for me and ended, the church that my parents owned. The church where I killed them when I was 6. Funnily enough, I can't even remember anything before I was 6, it's as if my body was born, whenever it was born, however, my true self only came into existence after that moment. Oh I remember it so perfectly, seeing their confused, horrified faces, the fatality of it all, it's as if in that moment, everything finally started to make sense. After that I got locked up in the asylum for the majority of my life and I'd hear all of these robes say that the reason I killed them is because they abused me, or something else among those lines, when in reality, no such thing happened, I do not remember holding any ill will towards my parents, not even during the moment that I was killing them, I just did it, it just made sense, that's it, yet, no matter how many times I would explain it to them, they'd just disregard it, saying it's the trauma speaking. It's just funny to me, how humans, when faced with truth and how horrifying it is, will willingly ignore or disregard it, which is one of the main reasons I try to be honest, it's really entertaining to see people trying to deny it.

And of course, several years later, this is the place where my past self passed away, by his hand...

It's funny really, if I were to believe in the existence of fate, this would definitely be the case for it, the fact that my birth took place in the same place as his. The moment when Sergei a.k.a. Incognito was born, was in the very same church, many years later when it's ownership passed on to another. A priest who snapped when Incognito's wife and daughter were in the confession booth, who chopped them down with an axe right before Incognito's eyes. It's funny really, according to the news papers, the Priest was yelling and raving about how he couldn't take it anymore, how all sinners must pay, sounds like a familiar philosophy, doesn't it? But it doesn't matter, what did matter is that, that incident gave birth to a man with a mission, a man who tried his damn best to see the world in only black and white, the guilty and the innocent, one deserved to live and the other, didn't. A man who desperately tried to destroy his feelings so that they wouldn't interfere with his work and for the most part, he succeeded. He almost forgot about the existence of his family, he forgot what fear felt like, when he encountered Slendy for the first time, for him, it was just a bump in the road that was his mission, to rid the world of monsters. It's too bad, that a certain, annoying little mosquito named Kelevra would remind him, that those feelings of loss, never left him and would then proceed to dredge them up in order to remind Incognito, that he is only human, which is the type of revelation that killed him in the end.

But don't look at that as me being proud of his death, on the contrary, I wish that he was still around, but he didn't want to be, his new found humanity conflicted with his new found ideals, death was the only way out for him, in all honesty and he knew that, always.

But I had to know something, his last thoughts, before he died, I had to know, so I traveled to his last used hideout, him and his family's house.

It was a simple, neighborhood house at some point, now it's just a sore spot for the neighborhood it's placed in, filthy, dusty and abandoned and yet, untouched. No graffiti, or any sign of recent entry, any damage caused to the house, looks like it was caused by the fact that this thing stood here for so long.

I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to come back to that place, Sergei. You must've really had nowhere else to go, or maybe every reason to make yourself suffer. Found a bunch of journals, all stacked up in the corner in a messy pile, I wanted to read them so much, wanted to know what you were thinking as you sensed your death approaching, but I just couldn't. Not after I saw the sign you scribbled on the wall with your own blood: "I'm sorry."

God, there must have been so many things you were apologizing for: The desecration of a child's grave; the inability to protect Minxie; the inability to protect your family; the fact that you started a family to begin with. So many dark thoughts, walking through this house alone felt like I was walking through the darkest corners of your mind, it honestly was enough. You were free to keep your final thoughts to yourself, nobody will ever know about them, because I burned it down, all of it.





I'm done with sight seeing, Dimir, you're next.