A therapy, might be in order

ALRIGHT

So remember how I said that I'm feeling an extreme case of BITTERNESS? Well it didn't FUCKING PASS, still FUCKING THERE! I figured maybe I'll give it a few days and it will pass like the flu, NOPE! Whatever the fuck this is, it's persistent.

Asked my darling to look through me, see if maybe she can find some shit that shouldn't be there, didn't find anything, nadda, ZILCH, DONUT! Absolutely nothing inside of us that makes me FEEL this... THIS SEETHING FUCKING RAGE.

Some of you fuckers will get a kick out of this, due to this outburst-like nature me and my darling have been having a slight fight over this. She's telling me that I need to take care of this problem and me refusing to delay our goals any further, LIKE FUCK, I KNOW I NEED TO SORT THIS SHIT OUT, PROBLEM IS, MY DEAR, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!





Welp, pissed her off again, I'm actually kind of surprised to be honest, I had no idea she had even a grasp of the concept of arguing, let alone be so... natural at it? When we argue, it really does feel as if we're a couple that is having a quarrel, wonder where'd she pick that one up from, I don't remember watching any soap operas.

Anyways, at the end of the day, she is correct, whatever... THIS IS, is going to interfere with my pursuit of my goal, it's good for keeping the human side of me grounded to this body, but it is ABSOLUTELY a distraction IN EVERY OTHER ASPECT.

Plain and simple, IT NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.

And I MIGHT have a solution, over the last few weeks, I noticed that this FUCKING STATE, tends to intensify whenever I remember the events of the last few posts. Specifically when I trace my memory back to SOMETHING        SOMEBODY         SAID




Ok, so I think the way I get over this shit, is I pay a visit to an old friend, should be a good therapy session, as well as a nice Christmas present too.

At least I can find joy in one fact of the encounter I experienced and that is the fact that Starman, isn't having a pretty swell time himself.

Laughter in the Morning

Now that my poor human vessel has been healed up a bit, I can finally put all of what happened in the past few days on a post, without the body having a spazz attack on the keyboard.

As you can remember, last time me and Luke had a dance, my darling threw him out the window and he poisoned me with some sort of gas, but none of that mattered at the time, what did matter is that I got the information on where Dimir was hiding, finally.

The fucker was hiding in Vladivostok, which took me and my darling nearly a month worth of travel, not because it's THAT far away from Russia, but because we had Dimir's fanatics tailing us and with my body still recovering from the long lasting effects of Star's gas, I was in no shape to fight, so we were forced to play a game of cat and mouse throughout the country.

Once my darling pumped the gas out of my system just enough, we disposed of all the idiots following us and I prepped myself up to go and pay Dimir a final visit, however, this time I knew that our friend Starman would be there, no way he would leave after being flung out the window and there was no way I was falling for the same trick again. So what I did, is share my control of the human body with my darling, she wrapped around the face, covering pretty much every area that air may enter through and was basically acting as a filter for the air, I did ask her to leave my eye uncovered, since I wanted to see Star's face when we cause him pain.

So we traveled to this shady neighborhood in Vladivostok, a shit-hole by all accounts, dilapidated buildings left and right, homeless people, obvious thugs, it was nasty, only a hand full of decent looking buildings, one of which was a small office building, which is where he was hiding. When I walked through the front door, I was met with little to no resistance, only a few idiots jumped out at me, which were easily dispatched. This place was far more crowded before I caught a whiff of Dimir's scent, that much is obvious, so either the majority of them bailed, or Dimir sent them away, but it didn't matter, what did matter is that he was still there.

I would finally make it to the main office and kick down the door and there he was, a complete mess of a man, stuck to a wheelchair, several tubes sticking out of his head where he was no doubt shot by Sergei, a breathing mechanism stuck to his face, just sitting there and patiently waiting for his death. Although it was kind of hard to see his expression, considering Star was right in front of him, perched up on his desk.

"Why KELLY my dear. It is so GOOD to see you again. You didn't think that little fall would enough to keep me away, did you? Our connection is too STRONG for that."

He did a small jump off the desk onto his feet, always the man child, huh Star?


"No gas this time, though. Just you, me, my knives and a whole heaping load of pain."

He turns his entire body around to glance at Dimir.

"... Also him, I guess. You know, seeing him like this gives me an idea on a way to use my... Gifts... In a new an exciting way. Guess what Dimwit, once I deal with Kelly I'm gonna give you a gift. Repair that little asthma problem of yours. Hell, I might even use what I'm gonna get from Kelly to do it. Heheheheh."

While it was immensely entertaining to see how far Dimir has fallen, being berated to his face, something that would never fly back when he was on top and being forced to rely on the types of people who he used to despise for his survival, I was also not a huge fan of the idea of Dimir being put back into a functioning position, that was not going to happen, especially not with something from myself.

"Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to take this outside of... Here."

He waves his hands around the office.

"Little cramped, and I don't want to aggravate Lord Vader's breathing problems with all the excitement."

Now he's stealing my idea of giving people nick names based on Star Wars, rude Skywalker, so rude and unoriginal. But hey, since he asked nicely, I was willing to cooperate and take this fight to another room, which why I immediately launched two sharp spikes from the ends of my sleeves, without detaching them, at him, intending to push him through the wall. But Star just had to be an uncooperative jerk and twist his body around, between the two tendrils, making them miss after which he would grab both of them with monstrous strength.

"HONESTLY, HOW RUDE. FINE, GUESS WE'LL DEAL WITH THIS HERE."

Star rushed forward with far greater speed than he displayed in the previous encounter, still holding the tendrils, clearly with the intent of putting me through the wall, now I am not as rude as Skywalker and am willing to cooperate, I just had to slip into something more comfortable. Which is why I wrapped my head and chest entirely in Azoth and grew sharp spikes out of the chest, impaling Star once he connected, which definitely caused him some pain, as he would let out the all too familiar noises of inhumanity. However, I underestimated his strength a little bit, because even though he was impaled, he used his strength to launch me through the door and part of the wall, as I landed on my back with Star on top of me, I could feel a burning sensation that hurt like hell, Star's body was beginning to bite away at my spikes and then I heard it "PAIN! EXCITEMENT! HAHAHAHA!" yelled out in my voice, but I can assure you, I did not yell it out, it was my darling, using the body to speak, I've never seen her do that, I guess she was happy that she got to experience humanity for a bit, even if it was the pain aspect of it.

I had to get Starman off of me, which is why I instantly launched the spikes he was impaled on into the air, lifting Star away from me and then quickly retracted them, getting them lodged out of Star. As he was falling back down, I rolled out of the way onto my feet, steadying myself for his next move.

He fell flat on the ground, with a nasty sounding smack. But he go up pretty quickly after that, he looked down at his chest, the spot where I impaled him, the holes were filled with tiny teeth. "Really Kelly... You have no sense of timing. DRAMA..." Star reached up and removed his hat, throwing it randomly into the room. "... I had this WHOLE thing ready and prepared for this, but you..." He removed his coat and left it on the floor. "... Just HAD to be an impulsive little SHIT. Such a disappointment. Really can't say I'm gonna miss you when you are dead. Again." That hurt, honestly, how can anybody not miss me? I'm so much fun to have around, I think Starman is secretly happy that I'm back, he just doesn't want to show it.

I wasn't planning on giving him any more time to recuperate and launched myself at him with my darling extending from under my feet, as I was running at him with great speed, forming sharp spikes around my hands, getting ready to impale him in the heart and face, all I ended up stabbing is a bunch of black leaves that were circling in the air where Star once stood, stupid, I completely forgot about the Path.

He re-appeared right behind me and kicked the back of my knee, making me lose balance and fall down onto my knees, he then proceeded to grab the back of my head and started pushing it towards the floor, right onto his coat he threw down earlier. Quickly remembering that every part of Star is Azoth, I quickly covered my head in Azoth, just in time to, the coat sprang to life and tried to envelop my now protected head. And then something strange happened, even though my head was covered in Azoth and was being pointed downwards at the floor. I could still see Star from behind, he was attempting to stomp my head into mush. But what's weirder, I wasn't just able to see him from and angle that I shouldn't have been able to physically, I was able to reach out and grab his leg before it connected, but not with the body's arms. It was a dark purple, crooked arm, in fact, everything I saw was different, it's like I could see beyond the physical in that instance, I truly can't describe it, nor did I have the time to memorize the experience, since I surprised Star and wasn't about to let the opportunity slip between my new, crooked fingers. I quickly morphed a sharp spike with my second crooked arm, intending to impale Star while he was opened.

As I go for the stab I can feel something pushing me from below, towards Star, I glanced down and then I saw... myself. Well, correction, the human I've been occupying this entire time, trying to push itself away from Star's coat, enveloping the body's head, but I wasn't the one down there, it was my darling, she was controlling the body and I was protecting her, I was in my pure state, for the second time ever since my resurrection. This slight shock, allowed Star the opportunity to grab and stop the spiked arm dead in it's track, with nothing but sheer strength and then I feel him twisting the spike, slowly, trying to break it off, whilst he looks at me and says: "THERE YOU ARE. I was wondering when the boss lady would show up. May want to recall your lackey before he gets hurt."

Whilst he was saying that, I could feel his foot in my hand, changing, beginning to shift into a variety of mouths and tiny bladed tendrils, trying to rip and tear at any available matter. But I didn't feel a thing, not sure if because of my state, or because of pure enjoyment I was getting from his statement, he thought he was talking to Fortissimo, not realize that she was the one in the human body and I was the crooked torso, it was so funny for some reason, I heard myself saying to him, but not in my voice, but a distant and distorted one "Lackey, dear Skywalker you hurt us." I could feel the area of my mouth moving, but not in a human way, as those sounds resembling a voice came out of this current state I was in, a bubbling sensation, almost as if I was foaming at the mouth whilst saying that.

And then I had an idea, cause I was beginning to feel Star's little mouths growing from his foot, eating into my crooked purple hand and it began to burn. I figured I'd push him away, hard, using the advantages of my new state and sending the majority of myself from my spiked arm to the arm that was holding Star's foot, making it bigger and stronger, which in turn made the spike thinner, I would then use the stronger arm to push his foot away, I guess I underestimated the new strength, cause I ended up snapping Star's entire leg off making it slam into the wall.

What I didn't account for what when I transfered all of my material self into the arm that ripped Star's leg off, the spiked arm reduced in strength, allowing Star to finally rip a piece of it off, which was pretty painful, but not for long, because I could feel the lost material being replenished, I looked down and saw, that my darling was taking huge bites out of Star's Azoth that was restraining my body's head, which my darling was in control of. She was biting at it with what appeared to be a white, shining, sharp mouth that grew out of the Azoth mask that my darling surrounded the human body's face with, when I replenished control of the body to her. Then I realized something, with Star tearing the bit of the spiked arm off and his stupid jacket no longer restraining the body from below, we were free to move, which is exactly what we did, in time too, because Star began to grow gnarled branchlike limbs from his body, possessing a dozen sharp clawed finger like appendages, all trying to strike at me, but barely missing as me and my darling rolled away from him, gaining some distance.

Standing up, I could finally appreciate the state of my new nature and the beauty of my darling, when she is in control of our body. She was standing there, I could feel the excitement within her, whilst she was feeling the human pain, every time the human body was dealt damage, she loved it, she always wanted to learn more about us. I could see her perfectly in this human body, even though she was covering the human body's face with Azoth for protection, she did go through the length of growing out a sharp mouth which erupted a light from within, it wasn't just for protection when she in control of the body, it was for the purpose of personalization, her own face and I was right there, hanging off her shoulder, like she did so many times when I was in control of the body, as a jacket, the roles might have switched, but it was intentional, for none of us was never in command, we were operating like a well oiled machine.

And then she decided to finish it, grew a sharp spike around the body's arm using me and started running for the killing blow on Star. He couldn't really dodge, due to the missing leg business, so the attempt was a direct hit, the plan was, with my darling using me as a Spike, I would then end inside of him and rip him to shreds from within, since we couldn't seem to do that from the outside, however, that plan was quickly interrupted by Star's stupid hat that he threw away earlier, it came falling from above, right onto top of our body's head, slithered it's way underneath the Azoth mask my darling surrounded the Body's face with and slashed the body's throat. It was kind of surreal to see my body, from the outside, bleed out dark purple liquid from the fresh wound, roughly about the same color as myself in my new state.

Star then immediately proceeded to shove his grubby hand inside the wound and spread tiny tendrils within our body through his filthy hand, I could feel him inside us, grabbing a firm hold of me, beginning to pull me out towards himself, through the wound and as he was pulling, I remember how slowly, my desire for my goal, my memories of my past life's feelings that I used to emulate humanity, all of it was slowly fading, everything was kind of just fading, including my sight of what was happening.

Then, all of a sudden, I felt it, The Empty City, except, it wasn't familiar at all, it definitely didn't feel like the same Empty City I used to strut through so many times in my previous life, this was a new feeling, it felt like it was embedded deep within me, practically drowning me in how overwhelming it is, and with the feeling of drowning I experienced new feelings, feelings I don't ever remember my past self experiencing, feelings of overwhelming amount of terror, desperation and guilt, especially as the drowning sensation settled in and yet through that, I began to feel something familiar again, my desire for lack of existence, it was coming back to me, in fact, it was so powerful, it was the thing that kicked me back into consciousness. Once waking up, I saw that Star was still holding a tight grip on me, but he wasn't pulling anymore, because my darling was spreading herself within him through our spike we stabbed him with, she was trying to do the same thing he tried to do to me, consume him.

It was like a tug war, he was pulling me out through the throat wound, while my darling was pulling him closer into the spike an to us, by spreading herself within him. But it was interrupted by a sudden flash of light, which revealed her. The Pale Woman which haunted Sergei and Me for so many years, I don't know why she was there, I never cared for her in all honesty, however, she did do something useful for once, she put her pale, glowing hand onto Star's shoulder, upon contact, another blinding flash of light occurred and both Star and her were gone.

Me and my darling instantly fell to the ground, scrambling to heal up the wounds as quickly as possible, with me re-entering back inside the body through the wound and her immediately trying to closed it up. At that point we switched back, I was in control of the body again, so that Fortissimo could work the wound more carefully. I had to cease this opportunity while Star was gone, so I tried my damnedest to force the body to get up and slowly wobble towards Dimir. Luckily for me, Dimir was disabled, so he didn't really run anywhere, instead he was just witnessing the entire fight, with utter disgust on his face.

This was arguably the most annoying minutes of my life, between the human body SO FUCKING SLOWLY shuffling towards Dimir due to all the injuries, it was made even more frustrating with the fact that I couldn't force the body to talk due to the injured throat. WHICH MEANT THAT I HAD TO LISTEN TO DIMIR'S RETARDED RAMBLINGS as i approached for the killing blow.

AND RAMBLE HE FUCKING DID, HOLY SHIT! FUCKER FANCIES HIMSELF A THERAPIST OR SOME SHIT telling me about how he understood my obsession with Incognito, saying that the reason I was so OBSESSED WITH HIM was because I apparently found a kindred spirit in the "UNATTAINABLE GOALS" DEPARTMENT! Oh man I couldn't wait to rip out his fucking throat for the random GARBAGE he was SPEWING.






EXCEPT THAT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED!!!!

As I was approaching the FUCKING CABBAGE, guess what? HE STARTS TO FUCKING RAPIDLY AGE TO SUCH AN EXTENT THAT HE FUCKING DIES BEFORE I CAN GET THIS FUCKING BODY CLOSE ENOUGH FOR A KILL! FUCKER DIED WITH A SMILE TOO CUNT!

so it wasnt much of a surprise that when i turned around to the doorway SLENDERFUCK WAS THERE. HE FUCKING COCK BLOCKED ME FROM MY KILL TO GET TO ME. FUCKING CUNT. AND THEN HE DISAPPEARED. YEAH FUCK WITH ME WHILE YOU CAN FUCK. ORH#UHRPHR P*HR*)HKLWEH

















I could remove that little outburst, but Imma keep it in, because Slendy seem to have legitimately enraged me, which is good, it allows me to solidify my connection to the human body for a lot longer, especially after all of my new natural occurrences I had to go through in the fight with the STARFUCK.

Enjoy laughing at my plight CUNTS, you get this one for free.





Man, fuck my country.

Stars in the Night

What a poetic title, for such a relatively shitty night. I mean, sure, I've got the results I needed, but at the expense of this bodies health and a lot of burning stab wounds. Can't say it wasn't fun though.

Right, let's cut to the chase.

I went to Dimir's old headquarters, which was this giant tower he used to own, the one Sergei so happily shot up way back when. Dimir was practically untouchable thanks to that tower, bullet proof windows on every floor, he'd never leave it, until Sergei provoked him by digging up his dead son's body. Actually surprised Sergei had such an easy time getting through the security, I guess nobody ever expected anybody would fuck with Dimir on such a level, or maybe it was harder than how he describes it in his post, his straight forward nature makes it hard to decipher how he feels when he writes.

Anyways, my idea was, to go to the same office Sergei headed to within the Tower, the computer there was the only source of information I had to hunting down Dimir's current location. I'm honestly surprised they re-opened the tower after Sergei's shootout, but I guess once ownership of the tower passed to some other business, they saw no harm in re-opening it.

I went to the tower at night, when all the workers would leave and there were nobody but a few security guards, at least, that's what I thought I would encounter, what I did not expect was to see these security guards, slouching dead at the front desk. Somebody got there before me and as I would find out, they got there, in order to ambush me.

Not wanting to take risks, I force opened the elevator doors and proceeded to climb up the elevator hatch. Of course at some point I'd meet the elevator in my way, which would prevent me from getting to the top floor, but that's alright, all I wanted was the element of surprise on my side, so any floor would do.

I got up to the 4th floor before meeting the elevator, pried the elevator doors open just a little bit, enough to peek through and see a bunch of these masked idiots lounging about, waiting for me, well surprise, I wasn't coming through the stairs. Quickly slammed the doors apart and went to work, none of them were armed, only baseball bat's and shit like that, which, well fuck, they had no chance, no matter how many of them were there, when I'm with my darling, there's no contest. It was fun though, climbing from floor to floor, gutting these idiots and pulling their intestines out, music to my ears, to hear them gargling from the amounts of blood in their mouthes.

Probably should have been paying attention to my own body's mouth, specifically the throat, cause it would begin to start tingling for some reason as I would climb from floor to floor. I jotted it up to simple flu that the body might have caught, although it's weird, cause I was feeling it too, which means that I'm still somewhat connected to the body and have not completely evolved, which is fine, it prevents me from learning about Fortissimo's knowledge. What wasn't fine is that as I went higher, I'd begin to start seeing things, I swear to God, at some points I would see Sergei, butchering proxies alongside me, oh if it only it were true. Also, if it wasn't for my darling watching my back, I would no doubt get stabbed by some of these idiots, attempted attacks that I would normally see coming on my own, but I was getting weak at the knees and nearly losing balance as I ran, this was some hardcore flu, unless it wasn't flu at all, which is why, once I got to the front doors of Dimir's old office, I told her to look through the body and see if she can find anything out of place.

I thought I wouldn't need her for now, cause I thought it was fairly straight forward from here, open the door, look through the logs, get out. Should have figured out that there'd be a mouse trap at the end of the maze. A mouse trap in the form of Morningstar, guess he took my invitation seriously

He was occupying Dimir's old desk space, swiveling around in his chair to meet me "WELL. FANCY MEETING YOU HERE KELLY MY DEAR! Did you enjoy the climb? Looks like you had a lot of fun!"

I burst out laughing with excitement "Please don't tell me you're here to protect the old fart." I created a sharp spike with one of my sleeves, the weight change of the azoth on the spike, made me stumble a bit, clearly still being effected, by whatever it is, this body was exposed to, but I wasn't about to let that ruin my fun, besides I had a job to do.

He was grinning back at me, clearly looking forward to what was about to happen as much as I was "Protect Dimir? Ah... No. He is a bit of a dick, plus I think he hates me. Just... Not in the fun way, you know?" Oh I know, he most likely disliked Starman for two reasons: he was an outsider fucking around in Russia's business and he was, what Dimir would amount to a blasphemer, Dimir dislikes anybody who possesses any type of powers similar to Slendy, walking insults he would call them. But that didn't matter to me, because that response by Star finally confirmed something for me, Dimir IS alive. "No. I am here for a very different reason. Work related of course, I just don't have the time for a pleasure visit." He began looking me over, clearly noticing my earlier stumble "HMMMM. You feeling alright Kelly? Don't tell me Dimir's idiots hurt you... You look a bit sick." Star's a comedian everybody! He would then start walking from behind the desk, pulling out his tiny butterfly knives.

It kind of began to dawn on me, that this most likely wasn't a flu, or something else, this was most likely Star's doing and as it turned out, it was. Apparently, throughout the tower, I inhaled a bunch of gas, that Star talked about on his own blog which makes you see things? I'm not quite sure what the purpose of it is, other than to abide Star's "Fear me" fetish. However, at the time I still didn't get it, as my darling was busy investigating what was causing the human body to effect us like that and seeing as Starman was inviting me for a dance, I just couldn't resist the offer.

Morningstar stops and looks to his left hand, slowly raising it, and lowering the right. "Technically. This isn't actually a knife anymore than your sleeve is a sleeve..." The knife in his right hand shivers and morphs into a smaller throwing knife. It was so obvious what you were doing Starman, trying to distract me with your left hand, so that you could suddenly throw the knife in your right hand, smart, resourceful, I feel like Sergei would be able to appreciate the little trick, considering he was full of them. So I was ready for you to throw the knife at me and I was ready to dodge, too bad the gas you filled the tower with, didn't allow me to be as quick and your stupid, little self ended up hitting my body's shoulder, penetrating it's flesh and hurting us within, but that pain also worked in our favor, we used it as an anchor to remove the haziness of the gas for a moment to see you running at us Starman.

So I extended my sharp edged sleeve without detaching it, shooting it at Starman as he was charging us, he tried to twist out of the way, but we still hit him in the shoulder, which slowed him down a bit and elicited a reaction from him, a growl, doesn't feel nice when somebody else enters into you, does it Star? However, that didn't stop him and he was still coming at me, that's what I like to see, determination.

Since Starman was still coming at us, with my spiked sleeved lodged in his shoulder, I had to throw him off balance somehow, so I began to retract the spike back, suddenly pulling Starman towards myself as well, I formed a pick axe like form with my second sleeve, ready to strike him down as he would get closer. However, because of the gas, the force of the pull makes me stumble forward before I could strike and causes me to start falling down towards Star, instinctively I begin to do a roll, barely avoiding Star's attempts at stabbing me, he still managed to get a few cuts in. After I gained some distance between us, I tried to stand up, but my body was just not responding, it was quite annoying. This is when I noticed something, the knife he threw at me earlier and that was supposed to be stuck in my shoulder this entire time, wasn't there, as soon as I noticed that, I saw this black azothic blob pouncing at my face, luckily for me, my darling was looking out for me and before Star's blob could connect, she extended a small, sharp spike from the jacket's collar, impaling the blob and tossing it away, onto the floor near Star. The knives were a part of him even after they were detached, a trick me and my darling can't do, I must admit, must be the advantages of complete merger with Azoth.

I try to stand up again, but just can't, this is where I notice something odd about Star, his skin was darker, his eyes glowing bright yellow and there was, what looked like a severed, human arm leaking out of him?

"Well... That certainly answers that. Lets see... How you like it!" He mumbled something among those lines to himself as he began to rip me off and morphed his arm into a sharp spike, seriously, stealing ideas now? You'll be hearing from my lawyers. He began walking towards me, no doubt with the intention of impaling me, as an add on bonus, he would keep throwing those annoying knives at me that he would morph out of himself.

Considering I couldn't get up, I had to continue with the rolling tire strategy, I leaned back on my hands and would start pushing myself onto them, my darling would assist with a push from the ground, allowing me to do a hand stand off my back and do a roll, as I was doing that, she would harden around my back and deflect some of Star's knives, however, what I didn't count on is the stupid desk that Star was sitting behind earlier, I'd slam into it, go over it and land smoothly in the chair that Star was sitting on, I'd marvel at my half-assed choreography, but one of Star's knives hit me straight in the chest so hard, it caused the chair to roll back up against the giant glass window the office was surrounded with, bulletproof if I remember. Remembering that those things are still a part of him, I covered my hand in my darling's Azoth and pull it out before it could pounce at my face again, the fucking things hurt.

I looked at Star who was still walking towards me and, well, the visions got worse, where before I saw only a severed arm leaking out of him, I was now seeing an endless pile of dead bodies leaking from underneath him, to a point where I didn't see his legs anymore, it's as if he was a snail, only his lover half is just and endless trail of dead bodies, confused on whether it was a hallucination caused by the gas, or something entirely different, I decided to ask him, if he was even aware that he was leaking out body parts.

"You've got good eyes, Kelly. Soon enough, you'll be joining them." Thanks for the straight answer friend-o, I can always count on you to clear things up. I guess he got kind of bored from slowly stalking towards, since he would once again begin to charge at me. Having nowhere else to go, this time I decided to meet him, forming two sharp spikes around my arms and leaning out of my chair, my darling pushed against the chair and the bulletproof windows, propelling me towards Star with a good amount of speed. Star didn't even try to dodge, he took my spikes into his chest and stomach, allowing me to lodge them pretty deep within himself, causing him significant pain and his... scream? I don't actually know what the hell type of sound he created, but it sounded painful. However, he didn't miss himself, since he impaled me with his own spike into my chest, which was pretty god damn painful, the burning sensation so icey and cold, that it feels like you're being burnt, the same type of pain I experienced when I asked Whelp a question. But Star wasn't finished, as he was creating these sounds of pain, his head would begin to morph into this giant maw of teeth, his other arm began to twist and audibly snap as it produced a number of branch-like tendrils which would begin to grow outward into the spike impaling me.

So mu pain and pressure, not to mention the effects of the gas would allow Star to overpower me, I would end up falling on my back, with Star coming down on top of me. His giant Maw was closing in for a bite, I couldn't really do anything as both of my arms were lodged inside of him, the gas wasn't allowing my body to move and the pain was not allowing me to think of my next move. Luckily for me, I have my darling with me at all times, the long back of my jacket would begin to crawl out from underneath me, onto my shoulders and from there, a crooked, human-like torso would extend, with a crooked human-like head and arms, grabbing the maw by it's top and bottom jaw, preventing it from getting closer and biting, I could also feel my own spikes, which were lodged inside of Star, grow even smaller spikes out of them, no doubt trying to hurt Star even more, which wasn't my doing by the way, this is all my darling's job, I was too distracted by the trail of dead bodies on the floor that Star leaked out, trying to figure out if they were there, or not.

I could feel it Star, the smaller spikes inside of you made you squirm, at this point I was kind of losing consciousness to the gas, so my account on what happens next is a bit hazy. From what I remember, Star created a whole new limb, that would reach out and try to slash at my Darling who was busy holding off the Maw. Somehow, she found the strength to push it away and quickly grab me by my shoulders, whilst also wrapping herself around my legs, gaining control over them, rolling me to the side away from Star, before the extra limb could connect with a hit. She would prop me up, slowly covering my body, I remember her asking me: "Let me"

Who was I deny her, her fun, besides, the gas was fucking with me, I was petty useless at that point, so I let her once again take control of the body. Whilst covered by her, she was not only in control but she was also working on pumping the gas out of the body from within, hence, I couldn't see much, due to the effects of the gas, just bits and pieces here and there.

I remember seeing Star standing, a puzzling look on his face. I remember feeling huge amounts of air hitting against me, as if I was flying. I remember seeing Star, impaled by two jagged spikes against the bulletproof window. I remember the same noise that Star created from before. And lastly, I remember, quite clearly, seeing Star falling down out of the tower, yelling to me that he will see me soon again, all the while laughing all the way down.

Then I woke up at my parent's church, with a piece of paper in hand, detailing the various funds that were transactioned from that tower, during Dimir's presumed death and the space of timer, when the ownership of that Tower was being handed over to the current owners. The majority of the funds go to this one address, I found you Dimir.

And Star, no doubt you'll be there too, that was a nasty trick you pulled with that Gas, this time, I'll be prepared, don't you worry, this dance isn't over.

Down Memory Lane.

Rain finally stopped, good, it's annoying enough to wash out blood from my bandages, I don't need it getting smeared by rain on top of that. However, the rain of russian proxies trying to hunt down my ass just doesn't stop, which is good, it makes me happy, I rather enjoy cutting down blind sheep, it makes for a good pass time.

However, it is quite annoying that they do it while I'm sight seeing, it's like a guy trying to lounge on their recliner under the sun, but is constantly annoyed by all the mosquitoes flying around him. However, unlike mosquitoes, humans tend to have survival instincts, kill enough of them and they back off for a while, realizing, that randomly bum rushing this guy, doesn't work, fucking morons, holy shit, no wonder they serve.

But I'm moaning, let's get back to the sight seeing part of this post. See, seizing the opportunity of being in Moscow, my home city, I decided to visit all the places that hold a certain amount of significance to me.

The first one being, where it all began for me and ended, the church that my parents owned. The church where I killed them when I was 6. Funnily enough, I can't even remember anything before I was 6, it's as if my body was born, whenever it was born, however, my true self only came into existence after that moment. Oh I remember it so perfectly, seeing their confused, horrified faces, the fatality of it all, it's as if in that moment, everything finally started to make sense. After that I got locked up in the asylum for the majority of my life and I'd hear all of these robes say that the reason I killed them is because they abused me, or something else among those lines, when in reality, no such thing happened, I do not remember holding any ill will towards my parents, not even during the moment that I was killing them, I just did it, it just made sense, that's it, yet, no matter how many times I would explain it to them, they'd just disregard it, saying it's the trauma speaking. It's just funny to me, how humans, when faced with truth and how horrifying it is, will willingly ignore or disregard it, which is one of the main reasons I try to be honest, it's really entertaining to see people trying to deny it.

And of course, several years later, this is the place where my past self passed away, by his hand...

It's funny really, if I were to believe in the existence of fate, this would definitely be the case for it, the fact that my birth took place in the same place as his. The moment when Sergei a.k.a. Incognito was born, was in the very same church, many years later when it's ownership passed on to another. A priest who snapped when Incognito's wife and daughter were in the confession booth, who chopped them down with an axe right before Incognito's eyes. It's funny really, according to the news papers, the Priest was yelling and raving about how he couldn't take it anymore, how all sinners must pay, sounds like a familiar philosophy, doesn't it? But it doesn't matter, what did matter is that, that incident gave birth to a man with a mission, a man who tried his damn best to see the world in only black and white, the guilty and the innocent, one deserved to live and the other, didn't. A man who desperately tried to destroy his feelings so that they wouldn't interfere with his work and for the most part, he succeeded. He almost forgot about the existence of his family, he forgot what fear felt like, when he encountered Slendy for the first time, for him, it was just a bump in the road that was his mission, to rid the world of monsters. It's too bad, that a certain, annoying little mosquito named Kelevra would remind him, that those feelings of loss, never left him and would then proceed to dredge them up in order to remind Incognito, that he is only human, which is the type of revelation that killed him in the end.

But don't look at that as me being proud of his death, on the contrary, I wish that he was still around, but he didn't want to be, his new found humanity conflicted with his new found ideals, death was the only way out for him, in all honesty and he knew that, always.

But I had to know something, his last thoughts, before he died, I had to know, so I traveled to his last used hideout, him and his family's house.

It was a simple, neighborhood house at some point, now it's just a sore spot for the neighborhood it's placed in, filthy, dusty and abandoned and yet, untouched. No graffiti, or any sign of recent entry, any damage caused to the house, looks like it was caused by the fact that this thing stood here for so long.

I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to come back to that place, Sergei. You must've really had nowhere else to go, or maybe every reason to make yourself suffer. Found a bunch of journals, all stacked up in the corner in a messy pile, I wanted to read them so much, wanted to know what you were thinking as you sensed your death approaching, but I just couldn't. Not after I saw the sign you scribbled on the wall with your own blood: "I'm sorry."

God, there must have been so many things you were apologizing for: The desecration of a child's grave; the inability to protect Minxie; the inability to protect your family; the fact that you started a family to begin with. So many dark thoughts, walking through this house alone felt like I was walking through the darkest corners of your mind, it honestly was enough. You were free to keep your final thoughts to yourself, nobody will ever know about them, because I burned it down, all of it.





I'm done with sight seeing, Dimir, you're next.

Stranger in Moscow

Home sweet home, the motherland, fuck all has changed since my death, still same gray buildings, non-stop rain, cold as fuck and an endless amount of zombies dragging their tired feet to work, thank God I got away from this place, it's fucking boring.

Been wandering in the rain for a few weeks now, not making much of a scene for now, want to lay low, I'm aware that whoever this person I'm hunting down, whether it is Dimir, or somebody pretending to be him, are aware that I'm in the country. Hence why I'm going to abstain from attracting too much attention to myself for now, however, I have been observing how the proxy operations have changed after Dimir's swift and sudden fall from grace.

And I gotta say, it's become a lot more disjointed for sure, the connections within the authority he used to have, are obviously not there anymore, otherwise I would have immediately been noticed at the airport and followed, however, apart from Slendy, who in fact has been following me, as if KGB was doggin' me, nobody else is on my trail. Still don't understand why Slendy is just observing what I do, instead of outright attacking me, clearly Slendy isn't trying to scare me, cause I'm simply not scared of him and he knows that. Well whatever, he's not interfering, so why should I complain?

However, thinking about the proxies under Dimir's wing, got me nostalgic and I thought it'd be a good idea to duck in this little cafe for a bit, since my wish for the rain to just let me be isn't going to be answered today and write up my post about why I dislike Dimir so much, since our history was never really covered in detail.

Quick recap, the day I met Fortissimo was the same day I met Slendy for the first time. This was shortly after my escape from the asylum I spent most of my childhood in, I took 5 lives after my escape and I was pursuing the sixth one, this woman, with a backpack, looked like a hitchhiker, was running through this park, clearly afraid of something, at the time I thought it was me, since I was pursuing her, however, as I killed her and was met with Slendy, I quickly realized that it wasn't me she was running from or scared of. The rest of the story you all know, I thought he was a hallucination of my sleep deprived brain, attacked him, got a tentacle showed in my mouth, bit it off and swallowed it, ran away, tentacle continues to grow inside of me, causing armageddon of the brain, etc, etc.

What you don't know, is that it turns out one of Dimir's proxies at the time was also tailing this woman, they just backed off once Slendy interfered and simply observed. So they saw my first ever meeting with Slendy and no doubt reported about it to Dimir. Next thing I know, as I lay in hiding, coping with the fact that my darling was ripping my body from the inside to get comfortable, I get bum rushed by a bunch of masked people out of nowhere, knocked out and I wake up in some sort of cold cell, with a camera attached to the ceiling, spent a few days in there without anybody visiting me, feeding me, or anything really, not that I needed the company, since I was busy dealing with the visitor within me, my darling, these were the days of us communicating with each other for the first time.

However, at some point, Dimir himself would come to visit me for the first time, he'd tell me all about Slendy, who he was, what he does, who are his servants, you know, the whole ordeal. I remember laughing at him, calling him crazier than me, he wasn't going to convince me that there's some eldritch abomination walking around there, killing random teenagers. No, that would be the doing of my darling, whom I was just learning to communicate with, Dimir would proceed to leave me in the cell on my own for a few extra days and during that time, the countless conversations with my darling made me realize, that what Dimir was saying, was true.

My reaction when I learned that all of this existed? I was excited, happy even, you see, I wanted to destroy everything since I was born, but the goal just seemed too unattainable, unrealistic, so I just settled for taking lives, but when you learn that the super natural really does exist, well you realize that ANYTHING can exist, I got excited because my goal didn't seem unrealistic anymore, the shackles of reality were ripped apart with the learning of Slendy's existence, at this point, anything was possible. So in my excitement, I yelled into the camera within my cell, that I would love to join the proxies, just so I could learn more.

And so my journey into the proxy family began, I'd be doing a few odd jobs here and there when asked, most of the times however I'd disobey orders and outright abandon the assignments I was given, I mean, they expect me to sit on my ass in bushes for an entire day, all just to observe one person as they go about their mundane day? No thank you.

Naturally, because of that, I'd get chewed out a lot by various proxies that were higher on the food chain, I was just surprised they didn't try to just kill me, of course I would later find out that the reason of why I wasn't simply disposed of, was because Dimir wanted me to be around specifically. I remember I was located in one of the safe houses for proxies, funded by Dimir which wasn't the only thing he did for the Proxies, he would also go around different safe houses and talk to them, mainly explain how important their missions are and shit like that, you know, pep talk type of shit. And he just so happened to be visiting a safe house that I was in at the time, he gave his regular speech to all the proxies within the building, but then he pulled me aside and spoke to me in private.

This is the part from which my hatred stems for him. He wanted to know why I was fucking up so much and not following orders, to which I told him that I didn't really care about Slendy, nor spreading fear of him, I was interested in my goals, I was using this servitude as an opportunity to learn more about the super natural, stalking random teens wasn't the way to do so. Dimir would proceed to plant ideas into my young and impressionable brain at the time, that it took patience to learn the things I want to learn about, which required dedication, he said that he saw great potential in me, based on the fact that I wasn't even supposed to be here, that my determination was my greatest strength which allowed me to, in his mind, tame the creature within me and use it as if it were a gift granted to me from Slendy.

And you know what? I ate that shit up, I actually started committing to the missions I was given, I began to be less antagonizing towards my fellow proxies and as time would go by, I would actually begin to believe that my relationship with my darling, wasn't indeed a relationship, it was a dictatorship, the idea that I tamed her and used her as I saw fit as suggested by Dimir, that thought began to solidify. And of course, that didn't sit well with my darling, we'd begin fighting amongst each other more often, she'd tear my body apart, I would demean her further, it was bad.

And then it happened, for the first time, she opened her knowledge to me for a few seconds, the incomprehensive things that I saw, nearly drove me mad, but even more so it reminded me of how little I am, how my life means nothing, how this entire operation orchestrated by Dimir means absolutely nothing, when faced with incomprehensible. She reminded me that nothing really matters, I'm sure that wasn't her intention, that she did it to teach me a lesson, but she did more than that, she re-ignited a spark within me, reminded me of that passionate goal that made us bond to begin with, non-existence.

Our relationship healed and from that day on, I would ignore any and all assignments given to me by my bosses, I completely dismissed proxies and their idiotic ideas and petty, meaningless goals. And I would develop hatred for Dimir, for trying to manipulate my young self to aid in his personal goals, for trying to take away my goal from me, for sabotaging my relationship with my darling, whether intentional, or not.

I grew to hate the concept of servitude, but even more than that, I hated those who forced people into servitude, whether by force, or trickery, it didn't matter. People who impose their meaningless shit onto others, simply because they feel like their shit is far more important than anyone else's, shit like that used to drive me up the wall.

Hence why I'm here, now, I never got to pay Dimir back for the things he has done, for the countless of people he imposed his shitty goals onto, but my even greater regret, is that I never got to introduce him to Fortissimo, the one he referred to as nothing more than a tool.

Well, no he will get to meet her, if it is indeed him, we're talkin' danger baby.

Teachers and Students

Alright, so I've been quiet for a bit, that's because we were busy, we were doing some investigative work and traveling, we've stayed under the radar long enough, which now allows me to talk about what we've been looking into specifically.

So while we were busy burning down the loop hideout of the fuckers that kidnapped and fucked with my darling, we made it a point to rummage through their list of benefactors, who were their funders, it was a pretty long damn list, spanning over decades and decades. I figured I'd release it publicly to steer up some shit, which would in turn take eyes off of me and others. However, what I did not expect was to stumble upon a name, I have not heard or seen in a long time now.

The name that belonged to the man who took me "under his wing" as he liked to believe, the man who introduced me to the business side of things in regards to being a proxy, the man who thought he could teach me out of my idiotic goals and shape me into his successor. The guy had an eye for talent, but God damn was he biting off more than he could chew.

That man was none other than Dimir Volkov a.k.a. The Oracle of Russia, before he was killed by Sergei.

You know, reading that whole confrontation back makes me really sad, I miss Sergei and his amazing skills regarding violence, that entire showdown he described between him and Dimir, it's simply beautiful, two men, ripping each other to shreds until one of them stops moving, it's beautiful, animosity at it's finest. Hell the build up itself is something to be appreciated, I never thought Sergei was capable of stooping so low as to dig up someone's dead children, just to fish them out of their hiding place.

Fucking poetry, but regardless, I'm getting off topic. Up until this point, I thought Sergei finished off Dimir for good, I mean, not a lot of people can survive a hit to the temple from a hammer and then a bullet to the head. But according to this list, there is a chance that he did, indeed survive, it states that a good chunk of money was forwarded to this organization from his name, back in 2017. Now there is a good chance that somebody might be using his name to forward payments, but then that makes me even more curious, in any case, me and my darling are traveling to my home country, Russia.

I want to tie this loose end for good, in the slightest chance that this is indeed Dimir, I wanted to kill him for years, for trying to steal my vision away from me, cloud my head and worst of all, take my darling under his control.

There is a lot of bad blood between us and if he's alive, well, it's my turn to kill you Dimir.

I sincerely hope it's you.

Motivations.

So me and Fortissimo have been out for a while now, celebrating our reunion, and no, we weren't murdering people left and right as part of our "celebration ceremony". No, we were mainly just wandering, "talking", catching up if you may, after all, we've been separated for 4 years, a lot has changed, we have changed in our own individual ways, understandings have shifted a little bit, but priorities and goals remain the same.

It's a combination of those intimate discussions and a comment by my good friend Minxie, that pushed me to make this, slightly introspective post. If you are here to read about the latest, wacky developments, move along, because this post will be filled with a combination of explanations and philosophical pondering's. I feel like I owe it to some people who I have encountered on my journey an explanation as to where I stand after my return, so there will be no confusion if we ever encounter each other: Friend, enemy, or frienemy.

Not that any of it matters in the long run, after all, nothing matters, there is no grand purpose to anything, no great meaning, because everything we strive for, every decision we make, will be undone by someone else's decision, somewhere else, at some point in time, making our decisions and actions irrelevant and forgotten, rinse and repeat. It's a vicious cycle of pointlessness, the only decision that makes sense, is the final one. Suicide? No, too small scale, you commit suicide, get buried, turn into grass and feed this world. Another World War? No, still too small of a scale, societies thrive on wars, no matter how devastating, the aftermath is always restoration. Nuclear War? Still too small, even if we nuke everything into oblivion, someone, somewhere, will still survive and start rebuilding. All of this, is too small, hell, even if the entire world just exploded, it would still not be enough, how many living creatures are out there in the galaxy? How many different societies exist out there? None of it is enough, hence why my understanding has shifted, before I wanted nothing but Destruction, no matter how big or small, my human understanding of Destruction, limited me from seeing the grander and final possibility of my goal, complete and total non-existence. The ceasing of Existence, that's the only decision that matters, because it's final, can't be undone or changed, once you erase existence of everything, there's nothing and nobody left over to re-build, no human, or Fear.

It's amusing to look at my previous self's ramblings about destruction on these blogs. How limited my thinking was, God, I'm honestly surprised that my darling has stuck with me so long. But she "saw" potential, the first thing she "felt" within me, when Slendy was shoving her down my neck, was the burning desire to kill everyone and everything, to destroy as much as possible, because none of it had meaning. According to her, it was "overwhelming", she never "felt" something like that before, she became "curious", see how hard this is to explain? I'm using all of these words, that have human assigned meanings to them, so that all of you can better understand it. In reality, there is no relating how her and I "communicate" or "Understand" each other, most people think we "talk" "telepathically" or some, hollywood bullshit like that, which is wrong, but since I can't explain it any other way, this is the closest we're going to get to an actual explanation.

However, there is some truth to the word "Curiosity" in that explanation above, because she would start trying to imitate human behavior after joining with me. It was very subtle at first, starting with her ripping my body apart in order to get "comfortable". The act of marking territory is an animal concept, which humans employ as well, she didn't have to do that, how many proxies are out there, with Azoth flowing through their bodies, without it ripping their bodies apart? Why did she do it then? Well upon our first joining, I believe it was her first attempt at communication with me, in a language that I would understand at the time, she was telling me, that she was the boss, that I belonged to her, that I was going to sate her hunger and desire for destruction, which she acquired from me. Yeah, it wasn't a stable relationship at first, she was very controlling, but I don't blame her, it was in her nature, after all, she was a part of Slendy, it was the only thing she knew when separated from him. Over time though, she realized that there was no point to this pointless charade of "taking control" and "Ownership" as those things, didn't matter, just like nothing mattered and that's when I started to fall in love with her, a creature who understood me, without my influence, or me pointing it out to her, she came to those conclusions herself, I've never met anyone who did that, so it was mesmerizing, I fell in love instantly.

However, because of this bond, I convinced myself that I was no longer a human, I mean, I have a living creature within me that protects me and can kill for me and I lack human desires like love, friendship and etc. To which, of course, I would be proven wrong by people like Minxie, The Wolf, Starman and others, I was able to see that I was capable of friendship, respect and disgust, all human aspects, human understandings and they wouldn't leave. As I experienced those feelings, Fortissimo began to get fascinated with them as well, see, she was the only one who wasn't actually human, she didn't understand how we work, we were as alien to her, as she and Slendy are to us. The only aspects she seemed to be familiar with were Fear, Death and Pain, she had no idea there was more to us, how could she, all this time she was a part of him, living within him and what does he do the majority of the time? He scares, causes pain and kills, it is only natural that it would seem to her that those feelings is all humans are capable of.

But as I formed friendships with the likes of Minxie, she took note, as I showed respect towards Wolf, she studied it, as I felt anger towards Star, she deciphered the cause of anger. She became so fascinated, she would begin to emulate us, which was comfortable for me, because "talking" to her became so much easier. This is why I broke Incognito mentally before my death by his hand, he was deluding himself the same way I was, as if he were some sort of inhumane monster, I had to show him that he was wrong, otherwise, he would die a lot more sooner.

And yet, as she began to understand humanity, my own humanity began to slip into her, joining with her, I would start to see bits and pieces of what she saw when being a part of Slendy, the infinites, the endlessness, it was overwhelming, I would begin to slip. However, it was her knowledge of the human nature at this point that would constantly remind me of the now and not the distant unknown, it would allow me to not entirely lose myself. I would lose the desire to sleep, the desire to eat, drink and etc. I was becoming something different from a human and then I died.

And once I came back, I was no longer a human, I was something else, so the question is, why do I still act like a human? Why do I knowingly put on this facade of friendships, respect and hatred? Well, it's because, I would simply completely lose myself within my new nature, you see, I am not human anymore, I became a part of my darling and later on, grew on my own, in a way, I'm a child of my original body and Fortissimo. The greater part of my mother and love, is the overwhelming part, all the knowledge of what she had seen when joined with Slendy, all of it is within me, however, if I decide to peek into that knowledge, it would completely destroy the human aspect of me, that comes from my original body, simply because that type of knowledge is far too overwhelming for anybody's mind. Hence why I pretend to still experience these feeling of friendship, respect and hatred, I'm trying to convince myself that I still legitimately feel all of that, it is my anchor to not slip away.

But why does it matter? Simple, because I promised my darling that we would see this through together and I intend to keep my father's and mine, promise. Is it pointless? Sure. But it was one of the biggest desires my original self held, right next to the desire for destruction, so I will oblige it.

Heartfelt reunions Pt. 2

So once me and the pseudo scientist went our separate ways, I began to make my way towards the underground entrance doors, which were located at the center of the ground floor hall, being guarded by two similar looking to the ones on the second floor, soldiers. There was no time to think, the hall way was populated by panicking scientists and other soldiers trying to direct them towards the underground doors in an orderly fashion. Kind of hard to do with all of those red tree branches growing through the holes we've made in the building, snatching people left and right, stabbing them, ripping them apart, panic, screaming, violent pushing, my type of party.

The only reason that me and Ghost weren't noticed when we exited the room we landed in, is because we were being separated from the hallway by a small corridor connecting the door to the hallway and the door to the room, which housed a toilet in between the hallway and the room. Ghost went first, quietly disappearing in the crowd, in the opposite direction, guess his white outfit would let him sneak through perfectly.

I gave him a few minutes, couldn't give him too much time, I had to work fast while the panic was still going on, I looked at the room we landed in and saw it was already crawling with the branches of the red trees from the outside, however they were not coming anywhere close to the closed door of the room, I figured out a while ago that they seem to only break into the building if there's some sort of opening, otherwise there's something preventing them from invading the building, so I thought it'd be a great idea to let them into the hallway.

Which is exactly what I did, I burst through the door hard enough for it to tear off it's hinges and fall on top of the panicking crowd, creating a ramp of sorts, whilst I pull the door to the room behind me open, with one of the tendrils I wrapped around it from the back of my jacket. I run on top of the little ramp I made, creating sharp edges around my feet, allowing me to stab into the people's heads and shoulders below me, to use as relatively solid footing, as I ran towards the center doors. I guess in that moment, I gave a completely new meaning to the phrase "Going over someone's head".

I heard some gun shots from below me as I ran, but none of them really connected, not even close, I imagine it was really hard to aim those big guns in a big, panicking crowd like that, it didn't help matters any that the tree branches behind me, began to seep into the hall and attack the people inside.

Eventually, I began to reach the underground access doors, the red light on the card machine blinking brightly. The two guards positioned near the doors, pushing away the panicking scientists noticed me and took aim at me, had to use momentum to my advantage, I leaped through the air towards them, making my jacket surround parts of my body and my entire head, leaving my arms and legs exposed. They opened fire and the bullets bounced off of my solidified jacket, they did manage to catch me in the arm though, but it didn't matter, since I ended up crashing against one of them, the force of my solid jacket that was covering my body, knocking one of them on the floor. The other one tried to take aim, but I immediately made my jacket wrap around my arm and extend as far as possible, impaling the second soldier through the throat, the other one began to try and stand up, while I was retracting my Azoth back into myself, I had no time to shape anything so I just kicked him in the head as hard as I could, knocking him out.

Once I finished forming the Azoth within me into my jacket, I reached into the pocket to get out the card, the red light flashed green and I was able to get in. The automatic doors opened and the stairs which led down into the underground were leading so deep down, I couldn't see the end of them from the ground floor, ominous, but I had no time to be cautious, the red branches were running out of panicking victims behind me, so I ran down, so fast, I was skipping through several steps.

Eventually I reached the underground floor, it was yet another corridor filled with different rooms, only it stood out from the upstairs corridors. The corridors upstairs looked neat, clean, taken care of, that is, before I came for a visit, this one? A bit more dirtier, the walls were filled with wet stains, most of which were eating away at the white paint on them, the doors were all made of metal and reinforced, there were pipes sticking out everywhere, so unsanitary and yet, this was arguably their most important section of this entire facility, because this is where they conducted experiments on living creatures.

Those reinforced doors? Almost all housed some manner of ugly looking creature behind them. A man who was hanging from the ceiling, attached to it, by what seemed like his own pus that was leaking from his bloated, red feet, as his rotting teeth were constantly showing due to the lack of lips on his face, eyes completely blood shot. A Denizen, strapped down against the wall, still alive, but clearly, heavily sedated, with metal strings holding it's chest wide open, housing inside several of it's black, dead, organs, all of which had several syringes stuck inside of it, filled with some sort of blue liquid. A cell filled with flowers and other types of vegetations growing out of it's walls (But not breaking through them).

But not all rooms were holding cells, some were experimentation rooms. One of such rooms was a big one, with a big window spreading through the wall, revealing that it was, in fact, a nursery of sorts, housing over 10 babies inside, all of which were hooked up to an IV Drip, inside of which was black liquid, they were infecting these babies with Azoth. All of the babies had black veins, visibly pulsing through their tiny bodies, it was pretty fucked, "For what purpose?" I asked myself, I shouldn't have, because shortly I would get an answer.

As my head went through the giant window, one of the soldiers from above, followed me, snuck up on me and with an unexpected force, smashed my head through the large window of the room, it hurt like a motherfucker, good thing my head was covered in bandages already, it prevented the glass from going too far deep into my skin. He wasn't done though, he tried to force my head down on top of the sharp shards sticking out of the edges of the broken window, thinking fast, I formed a sharp edged end around my elbow and stabbed him through the stomach, that loosened his grip, allowing me to break free, grab his head instead and rub his throat against the sharp shards he was trying to use to his advantage earlier.

Black blood came pouring down from his neck, not even a gasp would escape from his mouth as I murdered him slowly. I was curious at this point, so once he slanted down on the floor, dead, I took off his mask and I saw nothingness. Pale white skin, bald, black veins pulsing all through his head, eyes constantly rolled back, this man was hallowed and he was serving the wrong party and then I noticed another thing, it was quiet, that's right, none of the struggle or window breaking disturbed the babies' sleep, which, if I remember my hospitals correctly, is not normal, at least one of them should have woken up and started crying, but nope, not a sound, just like the soldiers. They were farming their own personal army that obeyed their every word without hesitation, I don't know how, but somehow they managed to use Azoth as means to control other people.

At this point I was getting a bit more worried for my darling, these people clearly held some sort of knowledge about Azoth, which means they must have had all sorts of insane ideas when it came to experimenting on it. As I slowly descended into inner panic, a sound snapped me out of my trance, a sound of a closing door, somebody else was down here with me apart from the monsters within the cells.

Wasn't hard to track the sound to it's source, I busted through the door, ready for a fight, but all I was met with, was this red-headed scientist woman, whimpering underneath a table inside the room, pleading me to not hurt her. I however, wasn't paying any attention to her, she was a speck of dust to me in that instance, because all of my attention was glued to the giant glass tank within the room, wired up through the ceiling and the floor, all connecting to several computers and inside the tank... it was her.

My God, what had they done to her, when I left her, she was little, herself, pure. But when I saw her in that tank, there was so much of her, enough to constantly try and imitate a human shape, like some liquid shadow, stretching and swirling, trying to maintain the human shape, but to no avail, as she would immediately begin to drip down back into the bottom of the tank. I approached the tank, I felt her, felt her pain, her confusion and as I came closer, she flinched away from me, she was afraid of me, they alienated her from me and then I heard it, the click of a door, the scientist bitch was trying to sneak out, bad move. I immediately sent one of my tendrils, stabbing her through the shoulder and pulling her back, grabbed her by the neck and began to squeeze, anger took over, I was ready to squeeze the life out of the bitch, however, I needed her, needed her to open the tank, I guess pissed off me is a very convincing me, because she immediately obeyed.

Click clacking away on one of the computers, the tank began to open, my darling tried to use the human form she was attempting to imitate so hard in order to step out, but as soon as she would take a step, her crooked attempt at a human leg would begin to drip back into a puddle.

"Darling..." I said with all the concern in the world, at which, she lashed out at me, sending one of her tendrils towards me, but missing me and immediately dripping back clumsily to the source. After which she was trying to scatter backwards as soon as I tried to walk closer, her attempt at a human form dripping down into a puddle with each movement she would attempt, she was scared of me, my heart broke in two after seeing her like that, fucking savages.

I extended one of my tendrils towards her "It's me..." I said in the softest voice I could muster, shaking away the human body seemed to warm her up a little, as she would reach out with one of her tendrils towards mine, as the two tendrils wrapped around each other, she seemed to be able to "stand up" in her clumsily attempted human form, that was slowly dripping away back into a puddle on the floor. I began to slowly walk towards her, our tendrils still connected to each other, she didn't back down this time "That's right, it's me..." I kept telling her, hoping that she understood, that she remembered what I sounded like, until finally I was right in front of her, she was unpredictable in that state, I didn't know what she was about to do, could scatter away, or attack me, but I did it anyway, I kissed her dripping away, attempt at a human head and she began to enter me, all of her, there was so much of her, but it wasn't just her.

It was overwhelming, almost like the first time she entered me back when I first met Slendy. The feeling of you drowning in all of your inner dread and horror, as your body would reflexively try to gag out the alien substance, but only not be able to, it's not great. But this time, it was worse, everything burned, there was too much, it felt like my inner organs were stuck in a washing machine and the voices, so many, screaming, yelling, overwhelming my own mind, these voices were not hers, she was buried deep underneath them.

That's when I realized what they had been doing to her all this time, how she grew so much, they were injecting her with Azoths taken from other people they would hunt down, whether those be Runners, Proxies, Oracles and any other creatures, and each time they forcefully joined her with any of them, her own "mind" would get drowned out a bit more and more, as she grew in size, stuck in an inner loop of constant chaos, a chaos that was now brewing within me. I had to drown them out, find her in all of this nonsensical noise, this chaos, it was the opposite of the nothingness I experienced in my death, it was lively, constantly evolving, going and going and yet the result was the same, I could feel myself slipping, I was getting lost, so I did the only thing to oppose this chaotic onslaught of insanity of the others, I concentrated on nothingness, I remembered what that felt like and all of a sudden I heard her, yes, it was our mutual goal that we've heard and so we went for each other.

And then we began to merge and I must tell you, boys and girls, it felt SO NICE. Having these insignificant others disappear into nothingness, because of our overwhelming power and determination, all of them leaving behind their past connections and dissipating into nothingness, leaving only their substance behind, granting us complete control over it, making them become us, it was great, it was AMAZING!

My body on the other hand, wasn't having such a good time, it collapsed on it's knees almost instantly after her entrance, don't blame it, trying to adjust to so much Azoth at once is hard. However, once I began to "wake up" I saw blood dripping on top of my head, with someone's shadow looming over me. I slowly turned around and I saw the scientist wench, the bitch tried to swing a pipe at me while I was having a heartfelt reunion with my darling, she would have succeeded too, if my darling didn't step in. Retracting from my back, instead of my long jacket, was a black, poor attempt at a human torso, complete with a crooked shape of a head, shoulders and arms that were currently lodged deep within the stomach of the scientist bitch. I have never seen Fortissimo do something like that, we simply never had that much of her inside of me, to pull something like that off, now though, she could come out to play whenever she wanted to.

The red haired bitch was in shock, her eyes, of terror, tears running down her face as she realizes, that everything she had ever done, amounted to this, to nothing, I started laughing, laughing as hard as I could, because through her face, my mission only solidified. And as I laughed, I lunged towards her, forming a sharp edge around my hand and delivering a cutting blow so hard, that I knocked her head off. Blood covered me, like rain on a cloudy day as me and my darling, still retracting from my back, hugged as hard as we could and kissed, it was beautiful, cathartic and scenic all at the same time.

As we kissed, she began to re-enter back into my body, ripping through it, leaving burn marks with each cut, what remained of this body's hair began to fall off, as she would stab through the skin on my skull from within, poking one of my eyes out, just like the old day, she was getting comfortable and as she was busy re-decorating our new living space, I began walking out of the dreaded room.

However, her renovations ceased as soon as we walked by the nursery I mentioned before, I felt it, the deep seethed anger pulsing through her, at what they did to her, alienating her from me, oh I heard her anger loud and clear and so for the first time ever, I let her behind the steering wheel. My azoth jacket, would begin to melt to my body, slowly disappearing, as it instead began to wrap around my body, covering my body in Azoth, like a latex suit, being covered completely, including my head. As I "Sat back" and watched her work her way through the building, ripping through all the soldiers that were coming at us, I felt her vindication, her happiness protruding through each brutal dispatch method. At some point she set off a fire, everything was set a blaze, including the nursery, oh man Star would love it, babies on fire, the only thing that was missing was a baseball bat to make it a full set.

And through that chaos, caused by her, we pretty much burned the building to the ground, with some help from the red tree branches that were still invading the building and were also, now on fire. As we high tailed it out of there and out of the loop.

Finally, we're back together.

Heartfelt reunions Pt. 1

4 years, it's been 4 years since I last felt her warm presence within me, I've missed it, I've missed her, the bond we shared was unlike anything, anyone will ever experience, a relationship vined together by a singular vision. I shed tears today, tears of happiness, for we are together, once again and the bastards who took her from me, who did horrendous things to her, have all paid the price.

But let's rewind.

So I entered the loop, as soon as I felt it opening up, how do you feel when a loop is about to open, if so many stumble into those without even noticing? One part is experience, a first timer will never notice the subtle and sudden change in temperature, they will think that the momentary deafness of one of their ears is one of the natural, every day occurrences, the fact that the wind is blowing in a completely different direction, but travel through enough of those and you learn to pick up on these subtle occurrences. The other part is, I myself, after my death, changed, drastically, I notice things these days far better than in my previous life, let's just put it like that.

Once inside, as natural for a loop, it's fucks-ville all over the place, nothing makes sense, everything is out of order, it's impossible to explain in any human language, because if I do describe what I saw, you guys will immediately start picturing it in your imagination and start making it fathomable, when in reality it isn't, the shit in these loops, it breaks ones imagination, I simply can't do it justice, just remember the most fucked up music you've ever heard and visualize it in your brain, without attaching any meaning to it in the process, good luck with that little exercise.

So I stumble through the lands of whatever and where-the-fuck, a lot of people get hung up about the shit they see in here, that's the biggest mistake you could do and I would probably make it, being the curious bastard that I am, but I had a goal set in my mind, that made everything else, insignificant and not worthy of my attention. I traversed the lands of hallucinogenics for a while, until something in the air changed, no longer was I smelling the smell of burning rubber and rotting eggs, all of a sudden the air changed, it was more, sterile, I was getting closer, indeed I was.

A few more steps and lo and behold, a two story building, the white walls seemed as if they were shining, probably because they were surrounded by dark red trees which were dripping some sort of dark-ish liquid from their branches, they actually set up shop within a loop, I can't tell if it's the dumbest thing anyone could ever do, or the smartest, I guess it's smart considering for how long these guys stayed off the radar, but not THAT smart, since I eventually found them.

This is where caution went out the window, I was here to save my darling and I was going to cut through every god damn shit head that would get in my way. This was going to be a very vengeful and bloody rescue mission and so it began. Using the opportunity of having the high ground (It's over Anakin!), I launched myself from the hill I was on (Courtesy of the two tendrils from my jacket, propelling me from the ground), right through the second story window, pompous dumb-asses didn't bulletproof their windows, cause they thought nobody would ever find them here. The second I landed, I hear screaming, people start scrambling out of the room, I'm pretty sure somebody pressed the alarm button since I could hear sirens going off the second I smashed in. As for me, the second I was able to look around, I realized that I landed in the middle of some sort of laboratory, tubes and probes everywhere, people in lab coats and shit, good, that means the stains of blood would stand out so much more, I was Picasso, caught right in the middle of my own element. Oh it was glorious, the time it took for their security to respond and start scrambling to the location of my insertion, was enough for me to maim and murder every single one of these brainy bastards, stabbing their limbs off, pouring the random chemicals in the tubes all over them, they were screaming as their skin would start melting away, some fucker's skin melted away and then immediately his blood would begin to congeal, after which it would burst off into a purple flame, it was fucking weird shit, I have no idea what the fuck they were studying, but studying some shit they were.

What was once a clean and perfectly white room, was now a room filled with giant spots of red all over it, with dead bodies and their respective body parts strewn about all over the place, the stench of burning flesh filling the air, it was beautiful, however, as much as I love decorating, company was on it's way.

The footsteps of several men could be heard down the hallway outside, if I went out the door, I'd get lit up like a Christmas tree, my darling wasn't with me to protect me, her reflexes were always far better than mine, so I had to seek assistance from someone else, body #5 happily volunteered, mainly because it was the only one that was still mostly intact. So I stab him through the chest with 4 tendrils extending from the back of my jacket and I perch the body up against my back, a human back pack of sorts, right on schedule too, because the loud footsteps had just stopped, they were in position.

Not wanting to make them wait for too long, because that would be extremely impolite, I burst through the door with my trusty companion and started running away from them, a squad of soldiers, all holed up on the opposite side of the hallway, ready to open fire as soon as they saw me. These guys didn't look like ordinary soldiers, instead of helmets and the traditional garb of a soldier, these guys were decked out in black uniforms, suited with kevlar vests, black pants with knee pads and shit, you know standard military gear, but the most striking thing, were their black masks over their balaclavas. The masks had nothing on them, except the two eye holes, these guys looked like they were marching on behalf of death itself, pretty fucking cool looking. At a quick glance, I saw one of them give a simple hand gesture and that's when the noise of gun fire filled and bounced around the hallway. My trusty companion was doing a good job of absorbing most of the bullets while I ran away, trying desperately to find us cover, before my companion was reduced to nothing but red jelly.

Then I saw it, one of the many room's door closing, somebody was still on this floor, truth is, I needed information because I had no idea on where I should be going in this facility + I needed to restock on trusty companions, so I burst through the door without hesitation, out of the line of fire and what do I see? A white coat, trying to get out the window, fat chance, so I quickly extend my tendrils, wrap just above the person's elbow and yank them right back, making them hit the floor hard, I was about to start politely asking questions, as I dropped my shot up companion on the floor and then I realized, this guy wasn't one of the scientists.

The white coat wasn't a lab coat, it was a white trench coat, the guy was wearing a white fedora and  what seemed like a black balaclava mask, only without the mouth hole and instead of the eye holes, he had two white circles. Whoever the fuck this weirdo was, I was about to get some answers, some that I wanted to hear and some that I wouldn't expect.

I immediately grabbed  him by the collar of his trench coat and yanked him to my face's level.

"And who the fuck might you be, spooky man?"

As I yanked him upwards, he dropped a pretty big metal container, that seemed to have cold steam coming through it's seal.

"I guess, this is the part where my plan goes a little bit sideways, it's alright, I came prepared for this."

He mumbled to himself, great, a crazy loon that I didn't have time for.

"Mr. Kelevra, I understand that you're looking for your Azothic companion, I'll keep this brief..."

I was flattered that this guy knew me, was even more appreciative of the fact that he wasn't going to waste my time.

"This company was on my tail for months now, because I stole something valuable from them for research purposes. It wasn't enough and I needed something else from them to continue my research, as luck would have it, you came back and planned to attack them in order to re-unite with your companion, I planned around that and used your attack as a distraction to extract the materials that I needed" 

He pointed at the metal container on the floor.

"And what if what you're trying to steal, is also my companion, for your own experiments?"

"The type of experiments they conducted on your companion, I have already done myself, only on a smaller scale, if you wish to waste your time interrogating me, you can, but I promise you, that I will not tell you anything different, since I am already telling the truth..."

This guy's voice irritated me, it was emotionless, distant and calculated and yet he gave off the vibe of someone who loves listening to himself. The foot steps in the hallway were getting louder, I guess they got tired of sitting around.

"However, I did prepare for a scenario where we would have an encounter, so I spent a little extra time staking out the place before sneaking in, the only location in this building that is restricted to specific people, seems like the underground floor, since that is the only door that can be accessed with a key card, that I saw in this entire building. If I were to make a wager, I would say that your companion was down there, with all the other important experiments.

He handed me the key card that he had in his hand this entire time apparently, or maybe he hid in inside his sleeve.

"And I've got the access card, thanks to your little diversion before entering the loop, security was scarce and it was pretty easy to nick this from one of the employees here."

No way was I believing anything he said, his plan sounded too perfect for a complete stranger, I was about to stab him in the gut, maybe pain would give him some incentive to stop jerking me around. Alas the soldiers ended up kicking the door in, I immediately turned around, dropping the Spook and forming two sharp edges around both of my hands, from the sleeves, while the Spook scrambled towards his container.

It was a Mexican stand off, I honestly didn't have much of a chance, a dozen guns were pointed at me, no way I had the type of reflexes my darling had, to manipulate the Azoth around me quick enough to protect myself long enough from the gunfire, to get close to them.

Few minutes of the silent stand off and then it happened, some sort of force seemed to suddenly push me from the back, it was so sudden it made me lose balance and begin falling to the floor, it was the Spook, he was the one who pushed, in fact, he pushed me so hard that he, himself fell down right beside me, I was about to stab him, simply based on instinct, until I saw a giant, red branch shoot above us, through the window that the Spook had left open.

The branch ripped right into one of the soldiers, lifting him up a little bit into the air, what followed was a bunch of tree branches growing out of the poor bastard, there was black liquid flowing through the eye holes of his mask, the countless tree branches that grew within him, ended up ripping the poor bastards body apart, however there was no blood, just the black liquid, erupting all over the soldiers that were standing behind him, bizarre part? None of the soldiers, not even the one that got ripped to shreds, let out even the slightest of a sound, they stayed quiet, all of them, however, they did start opening fire on the several branches that were teetering closer towards them now.

"Come on!"

I heard the spook yelling behind me, near the other set of windows that were closed, I immediately got up and ran towards him, wrapping a tendril around his waist and jumping out the window, pulling him along with me. We were now falling into the pitch darkness of the loop, only point of orientation was the light coming from the windows of the ground floor, trying to time this correctly, I stabbed the wall of the building with one of my sharp edged sleeves, halting our momentum and using my body as a pendulum to launch The Spook into the ground floor window. Then using the tendril that was wrapped around him, I simply climbed down through the same window, we were indoors yet again. Looking above, to the second floor, I saw another set of tree branches launch into the other window we jumped through as well.

We had to move out of the room we were in, since the branches would start invading the, yet another, freshly made hole we've created within this building. So we dashed out into the corridor, closing the door behind us, stopping for a few seconds to catch out breath.

"Well, as much as I enjoy being used as a battering ram, I believe I do must depart now, this is getting a little bit too confrontational to my liking."

He handed me the access card.

"I believe you were about to take this?"

No, I believe I was about to stab you, before, but now, I kind of owed this bastard for knocking me out of the way of that tree branch upstairs. So I accepted the card, but I had to know.

"You still didn't answer my question as to who the hell you are."

"It's a pity that you wouldn't recognize my disposition but then again, I am not that active on social media and for good reason. But I did read into your blog and even comment on it at some points before, my handle was 'Ghost'"

For those of you wondering, it was this Ghost and I did read through his blog for a bit, I must say I admire people who try their hardest to research shit we deal with, despite how illogical it all is, their desire to connect some sort of logic to it all, is hilarious to witness for sure, because in the end, all of their theories usually end up in bits and pieces, it is however admirable, because no matter how hopeless it is, they still push on.

After that, we went our separate ways. The post is getting a bit too long now, so I'll carry on with what I found in the underground level at some point later, right now, me and my darling are going to go out celebrating.

An Upbeat Voice

After the Dry Voice spoke to me, I was left on my own yet again, surrounded by nothingness yet again, in fact, I began questioning was there really ever an "I"? I was dead, killed by the man I respected and admired, what happened afterwards? Did my soul just get stuck in limbo, awaiting to be shoved into another new born body? Was it even my soul that allowed me to latch onto the feeling of nothingness within this empty space? What was I at the end of the day, after I was stripped of my body, was this nothingness that surrounded me, the "I" that I was pondering about? Was the voice that I spoke to an "I" from the past? Stuck here just like me?

Questions is a dangerous thing my friend, ask too many of them and you begin to slowly strip away your own humanity, its no wonder that when people try to manipulate each other, the biggest trick they resort to is asking their victim questions. Questions confuse us, questions plant doubt and uncertainty within our souls, which result in us making rash decisions, do you know how many world conflicts started, just because, someone, somewhere, asked someone a question? It's crazy, insane really.

And as I pondered further within that void, I began to lose myself, soon my collection of questions turned into nothing but jibber jabber, all populating my thoughts, making my thoughts all jumbled up, I was going crazy, until I heard it.

"NAME YOUR QUERY, O DOOMED ONE!"

The Upbeat Voice suddenly yelled out, so loudly that it created echoes around the nothingness, only, it didn't feel like an echo, I just use "echo" as the closest description. See, Echo eventually disappears, his voice never disappeared after the initial words, it just seemed to repeat itself, until he said something new.

"Pardon, but you don't sound like the wise-advice giving type."

"Nor should I! For in truth I am no such lowly yeoman, but a being whose calling is of an infinitely higher kind! Yea, do I exist to inspire insurrection, to encourage combat. To drive your paltry race to its brutal and bloody self-extermination!"

His repeating voice was frustrating, partner that up with how loud he was being, I'd almost prefer the eternal silence I was surrounded with. However, one thing that did amuse me about his voice, is how much pride and joy it had, when talking about it's own purpose.

"You interest me. You are of the goodly age, you carry yourself with vigor and confidence, are you, mayhap, a warrior?"

I was confused at the question, was he asking me if I thought of myself as a warrior of sorts, or was he wondering, if in my previous life, my occupation was that of a warrior? Because I do consider myself a warrior, I think anybody who fights for their goals tooth and nail are a warrior, no matter what ways they use to do so.

"I had hoped to find but one warrior yet flourishing in this craven realm."

This time, the arrogance made me laugh out loud, he was looking in the wrong place.

"Good luck, Bucky. No such animal these days. Not unless you go to some septic backwater shit-hole and even then, you could hardly deem those as warriors, since the majority of that ilk, gets off to mainly bayoneting babies."

"But surely this is not to be true! Who protects the livelihood and the community, in the absence of a warrior class? Who marches against its enemies? Who are your men?"

Now this was getting interesting, the voice went from confidence, into confusion, it was clearly lost, no, heart broken at the revelation that I just presented in front of itself.

"Oh, they're all middle-aged assholes in thousand-dollar suits. Sit up in sterile rooms and press buttons that ejaculate missiles into the sky because they can't get it up themselves, anymore. No one actually fights anymore, not the way you mean."

"NO! THIS IS PERVERSE"

"Anyone tries, the old farts just shell them until they stop."

A feeling of entertainment began to creep back up into my nothingness, even his voice stopped repeating itself as much, it's as if his pride was getting crushed the further the conversation went along.

"But without arms, without battle, how do men of rank enforce their will? How do those who rule, vanquish their enemies?"

And this is where we really got down to the nitty-gritty of things, poor bastard was about to get hit with a giant, stinky whiff of reality.

"You know, I'm really glad you asked! Listen, let you in on a little secret. It's not weapons that win the battles these days, see, it's the money."

"How does this work? Is not money but a medium of exchange?"

Oh this was rich, this poor bastard.

"Where the fuck you been living? Listen, money is currency, in every sense of the word."

Long pause of silence, so long in fact that I began to think that nothingness took over again, but no, it seems like the voice was just pondering,

"Tell me please how I may revive the spirit of rapacious, all-consuming conquest in this world."

 Now that is something I did not expect, a question of that magnitude, even though I strived to achieve destruction all of my previous life, truth be told, I never came close to my goal, not even a little bit, all I did, was delude myself by my false ideals, why false? Because at that time, I truly did not see the full picture of destruction, I only saw bits and pieces, the nothingness demonstrated that to me, by showing me, how in the end, insignificant everything that I did, was.

But I did have a thought to share, I thought I didn't even know I had.

"Hell, there's still conquest in the world, it's just done in a different way these days. You want to conquer someone, you don't send an army out and take them by force. You buy them out, if they don't want to sell, you run them out of business, it's neater, cleaner... Nastier too, I think. And you don't have to worry about them coming back at you later, with an army of their own, they're ruined."

I can't believe what I was elaborating, it's true that I understand how war these days worked, I just always refused to submit to the corporate view, as I said, it's nasty, boring and cowardly, it also serves a purpose of personal gain, which is why I would always actively denounce this view and yet, here I was, suggesting to this confused voice, that it was the only way that true war works. No matter how much you want to deny it, nor accept it, in the end, the truth will always win, I guess.

"There is something about these methods that seems ...CRAVEN!"

I couldn't agree more, but you can't face away from facts, however...

"Look, I understand, it's disgusting, I couldn't agree more, I'm with you, I miss the days when people would let their animalistic side take over and invoke centuries, upon centuries of bloodshed upon each other over the pettiest crap: Be that religion, tax evasion, or simple provocation, in the end, none of it mattered. But times change and views broaden, people begin to see the bigger picture and those with enough brains, begin to capitalize on it, hell, the strategy of buying out your enemy and bleeding them dry of their resources was present even in the early days of bloodshed, it just wasn't as corporate as it is today. Napoleon's invasion of Russia comes to mind, oh sure, he was able to plow through a good amount of Russia with brute force, but Russians were playing the long game, they invested in their country's shitty weather conditions to slow Napoleon down in his invasion, let nature do it's job and starve, and freeze the bruting Frenchmen to death. Meanwhile, they took their own capital and burned it to the fucking ground, so Napoleon couldn't restock, so that their investment wasn't bought out and then, only then, once he was left with barely anything, they drove him out with brute force."

Silence, either the voice was listening, or I was talking to myself at that point, it didn't matter to me, because for some reason, it was far more important for me to finish my thought correctly, it felt crucial at the time.

"The type of fighting you long for is still present, but it makes such a minuscule dent, if any in the grand scheme of things, that nobody really cares about it anymore. I mean, is it any mystery that the majority of modern wars are being fought on the lands of butt-fuck-nowhere and fuck-knows-where-the-fuck, funded from behind the curtain by much larger players within this game, because they themselves don't want to get their hands dirty. Hence, why you can't determine a warrior by how much kills they have under their belt, or how brave they are, you determine a warrior by how much they are willing to sacrifice for their goals. This man I respect, who killed me, he had a simple world view, kill the guilty, protect the innocent, no gray area what-so-ever and man, did he commit to his world view, when he got to work, I tell you, it was like watching a force of nature mow down an entire city, however, as beautiful as it was to behold, at the end of the day, he made barely any difference in the world, the fuckers he killed got promptly replaced by other fuckers, crime did not stop and he himself was forgotten, it was pointless and he knew it, but he didn't care, all he cared about was making his own war, for without war, a warrior is just a human with a weapon in the middle of an empty field, and yet he still kept FUCKING GOING, the absolute mad man! That's a warrior, now imagine if that warrior adopts and understands the modern, corporate views of war and exploits them, that's how you get your conquest, a conquest to end all conquests, the big bang, fuck yeah!"

I think I rambled on for a while longer, not realizing that the upbeat voice has, more than likely, long since disappeared, but it didn't matter to me, for the first time in a long time, within that emptiness, I was filled with a fiery passion, I haven't felt in a while, it's as if someone was breathing life back into me.