Justice is Blissfully Blind

Farms.

Why do people, whenever they want to lay low depart to farms, seems like a very ridiculous decision, considering the situation they're currently in, regarding the Faceless Terror himself. Nowhere to run for miles, there's no civilization, just a big empty field. And yet, here they are, living in their little farm, herding sheep, growing plants for 4 years, in peace and nobody's touching them. Well I guess it isn't as mind boggling considering the fact that they are always in the presence of a Fear that is constantly watching them, is it protecting them then? I don't think so, they'd be less tense with my presence on the farm then. I guess even The Eye's own creation doesn't know the true purpose of The Eye, just like any other Fear of course.

Yup, I was tracking down Mendella, a Justice, The Eye's servant constructed perfectly in ...his image. I used to dislike Mendella, not only was he a carbon copy of the man he was ordered to hunt down, but he also adopted his philosophies and understandings, rebelling against his creator, only to submit to someone else's ideals and goals, it was disgusting, this creature was the embodiment of everything I despise in humanity.

I say was, because, eventually, somehow, he was able to separate himself from someone else's ideals and somewhere down the road, he developed his own ideas and goals. Specifically after he met Cassia, a woman who was seeking revenge for the murder of her father, by Incognito's hand. Shortly after Incognito's passing, Mendella along with Cassia disappeared off the face of the earth, it wasn't easy to find them, but at the end, Cassia's online history was what gave it away, it's amazing how easy it is to find people's information these days, mainly because everyone is so willing to post away their information on all of these social media websites, not to say that she was posting anything on those during the time that they were hiding, that would be counter productive. However, she used to post on such websites long before she got into this mess, that led to a few other key words which would lead to other websites and eventually, I found old photos of her and her family on a farm, which would then lead to the location of said farm and etc.

Que in months of traveling, renting cars, life is a lot more difficult without The Path at my disposal, that's for sure. The entire time I was traveling through the country, he was following me, whenever I pulled over to get some refreshments or fuel, I would always see him, standing far away, just enough so I could see him, to my surprise, he was just passively observing the entire time, I assumed that The Slenderman, once finding out about my return, would waste no time in thrashing me back to the world of the dead, but no, the game must have gotten REALLY boring if he is willing to let me run around.

Regardless, eventually I got to their little farm and the only interesting aspect of that place, was the fact that it was the only place during my travel, where I couldn't see Slendy anymore. Then again, I didn't really have much of a chance to look around, since the second I stepped foot on their land, I was shot in the leg, the pain was sudden and overwhelming, made me collapse immediately, I haven't felt such pain in years. As I look up from my wound, I am greeted by a barrel of a sniper rifle being pointed directly in my face, behind the gun, standing against the sun was Mendella, it was eerie how similar he looked and sounded to Incognito.

"He's dead, who are you?" As firm a tone as ever, just like the man he was sculpted after.

"I'm him, come on Mendella, you know that death isn't a certainty for some in this game." I tried to reason with him, after all, I wasn't trying to find him all this time, just to have a violent confrontation.

He pulled his gun down for a second, clearly thinking over what I just said, I could have attacked him, tried to knock the gun out of his hand, get some space between us, but I didn't I just sat there patiently, as I said, I wasn't there for a confrontation.

He didn't think for too long anyway to give me enough time to do something, since he pointed the gun right back at me again "Fair enough, good bye."

And just like that, he was ready to blow my brains out, stubborn and to the point, The Eye did a good job replicating Incognito, I will give it that.

"You shoot me and your little safe haven will be posted all over the internet, for all to see." I said as quickly as I could before he could take the shot, but it worked, because it made him hesitate.

After a few minutes of just sitting on my knees, my leg bleeding out, was trying my hardest to use the Azoth inside of me to prevent the blood from escaping my body, I was never good with patch up work, usually Fortissimo was the one that did all of it, came natural to her, like protecting and fixing her house.

He finally lowered his gun "What do you want."

"Finally willing to talk shop, took you long enough." I tried to stand up, I was met with an immediate barrel of the gun to my face.

"Don't move." He ordered me, smart, he's cautious that I might try something under handed, which usually I would, but in this instance it was just my fucking leg hurting "Talk." he continued to order me, which is fine with me, I don't let pride cloud my judgment, I just complied.

"Listen, I don't want any trouble, I just want help, I'm tracking some assholes who kidnapped the love of my life and are now probably doing some horrid shit to her. My only lead is this little device that was implanted into one of their underling's brain. I needed someone with government-type of access to see what this device is and how can I use it to track down the people who kidnapped my darling and I know you have that access, because you worked with Incognito before, I'm sure he would share with you any kind of strategic advantage you could use to help him out in his mission."

Long pause of silence, clearly he was thinking on what he should do, I was getting kind of impatient due to the pain in my leg, so I decided to push his buttons a bit into deciding faster, the leg was hurting bad.

"I understand that you don't trust me, hell I would love to just outright kill you for being a carbon copy of Sergei, but put yourself in my position, what if Cassia was taken away from you and the only person who could help you was me, would you not put aside your urges, in order to find her?"

And silence again, this was getting tiresome.

"Alright." He lowered his gun, finally! I could finally stand up and ease the pressure on my leg, he reached his hand out "The device." Asking for the little device that I mentioned before, without any hesitation, I gave him the burnt up device.

He took it and began to walk towards his farm house, I started to follow but was immediately met with a warning shot into the ground right in front of me, this time, he wasn't the one shooting.

He turned to me and said "You stay here, come any closer and she will blow your head off." Nice to see that he was also as smart as Incognito, he told Cassia to stay behind in the farm house and keep the gun on me from a distance, in case I would try something funny.

I shrugged "No problem, as long as you provide me with a lead, I'm happy."

He would depart into the farm house and I would end up spending a few hours outside, just waiting for him to come back, gave me the time to try and properly patch up my bullet wound with my Azoth. It was kind of hard, but I think I got the hang of it. Sitting there, in the field, waiting for some answers, I finally recognized the air around the farm, it's hard to explain it, I'm sure we've all experienced the feeling of being watched, but not knowing where it was coming from, or who was watching us. Well imagine that, only you know who is watching you, what's more is that you can actually feel how insignificant you are in their view, it's like the source of the feeling is letting you partially read their mind, just so you know, how little you are to them. The Eye is a mysterious Fear, little is known about it's ability or goals, it just seems like an observer, rarely interfering in anybody's business, it was watching over that farm, no doubt keeping an eye on it's creation, it let me know what it thinks of me, how little I am in it's view, it was overwhelming, as if The Eye is just a part of a much more devious being behind it, however, it didn't account for one thing, I always expect people to underestimate me, after all, I'm just a hopelessly insane lunatic who thinks he can end existence, nothing new, nice to see that even Fears can underestimate the people they keep an eye on.

Finally, I saw Mendella come out of the Farm house, walking towards me with sheets of paper, my lead to finding my darling, in his hands.

"Here." He handed me the sheets of paper with a bunch of addresses and various company names attached to those addresses.

"What are those?" I asked, I was kind of hoping for something final, rather than a hit list.

"All of the addresses of various companies that placed an order one these brain implant microchips, which were and still are being developed in California."

"Well, then why should I go jumping from company to company, why can't I just go to the source?" I admit, I was thinking a bit small there, was too excited.

"Because, the original creators of these Brain Implants did not intend to create a kill switch, they created these Implants in order to treat mental disease, some other party purchases them and modifies them." Conspiracies never get old, even when they stop being conspiracies, somewhere out there, any company could be purchasing those and undercover, developing kill switch devices, unethical and illegal, good thing most Internet dwellers perceive these blogs as foolish fiction.

"Now, leave." he order me one final time, don't blame him, it was getting dark, it was time to turn in.

"Alright Mendella, thank you for your assistance, you'll be glad to know that I will not be posting your location, even more, I did you the favor of purging any online postings that Cassia may have made in her old life, which could potentially lead to your farm." I turned and walked away.

No final words from him, he just stood there, watching me walk to my car, waiting until I left.

I've got my leads now, it's time to start the hunt.

Tracking is like Hacking

The past few days was nothing but driving around from city to city, I'm looking for someone, someone who knows how to hide their tracks, someone who knows how to drop off the face of the earth, a talent they acquired by cheating existence itself. I'm no tracker, the only way I could find anyone I wanted before, was either through the path, or another domain that I've been using once I left the proxy club and even then that didn't always work.

Question is, how do you track someone, who not only inherited their skills from an extremely skilled survivor, but also someone who had no dossiers on themselves anywhere? Little that I know about tracking is that hacking comes into play a lot, however, a lot of people have a misconception about hacking, it has less to do with you click clacking your fingers on the keyboard and more to do with social interactions you partake in with your target, social engineering they call it, I believe. That's why a lot of the proxies were so good at hacking, or relatively competent, it's because a lot of them would pretend to be their target's friend, FreedomCaged is a great example of that, another one off the top of my head would be NightScream who would act out elaborate scenarios to get someone to trust their partner in crime.

But how can you socially interact with someone, you can't even find or have contact with? Well, I'm not trying to hack anyone now am I? I'm trying to track someone down. I don't need to socially interact with the person I'm tracking, instead, I need to know WHO they're socially interacting with at the moment and then track that person down and ask them a few questions. Now what makes me think that my target is even talking to anybody at all, after all, I sad before, they inherited their skills in hiding and staying off the radar, why would they compromise their position by talking to anyone, right? Well because human being are like that... Actually, scratch that, that logic doesn't entirely apply to my target, it only applies partly, since they began to only learn what's it like to be human right before they dropped off the face of the earth.

Which yields two possibilities, on one hand their inherited skills will take control over their desire to explore their own human nature, for the purposes of survival and this is nothing but a dead end tracking endeavor on my part, OR due to them learning of their own humanity, right before going into hiding, will create a greater desire to explore their humanity further and lead to a great desire to communicate with someone.

I think it's the latter rather than the former, simply because, right before dropping off the face of the earth, they weren't alone.

Confused yet? Good, no doubt the men in black are reading this as they try to track me down, so being as unspecific as I possibly can, helps. Not to say that it's entirely impossible to connect the dots here, not at all, in fact it's really simple and I'm pretty sure they'll figure out who I'm talking about, I'd assume people who own brain frying technology wouldn't be THAT stupid. Thing is, once they connect the dots, they'll be several steps behind.

The game is afoot.

Coincidences.

I don't believe in faith, the idea of a pre-determined outcome that we are inevitably going to stumble upon, due to someone's machinations over us, makes me want to throw up. I do, however believe in happenstance, a "Shit happens" if you may, sometimes certain people just get lucky, or unlucky and that's it.

So after my first debacle with Knitty's little family, I was back at square 1, having no leads, or clues as to who might have taken my darling away. With nothing left to do and nobody to question I decided to come back to where I asked KnitWolf to leave her, in hopes that if I were to keep an eye on that spot, someone suspicious looking enough would turn up for me to question.

Turns out, I didn't even have to wait, because as I was returning to the alleyway where my darling was supposed to be stored, I see this clown in a white hazmat suit, cleaning the inside of a fuse box where my darling was supposed to be hidden away with a dusting brush, if that's not suspicious looking, I don't know what is.

So I casually strolled up to him, he couldn't hear, or see me approaching him, due to the hazmat suit. Tapped him on the shoulder, he immediately turned around with a silenced gun, trying to shoot me, talk about paranoid, too bad he was too slow and I was able to stab him through the forearm, with two spikes which grew out of my sleeve. He instantly dropped his gun, he was about to yell out in pain, but I put my hand over where his mouth was and slammed him hard against the wall, making sure that not even a sound escapes from him, I didn't need the cop's attention on me.

I then proceeded to rip off the top of his hazmat suit, revealing a regular man behind it, nothing note worthy. He was visibly scared, but he tried his best to hold the fear in, he knew he fucked up, I can tell this guy wasn't used to physical encounters. I grew a small, sharp spike out of my sleeve and pointed it towards one of his eyes, I told him that I never really scooped someone's eyes out before, that it would be a new experience for me, told him how much it sucks to loose an eye, since I have experience in that field, told him all sorts of horrid shit to scare him, how once I would scoop his eye out, I would then proceed to put dirt in the eye hole, infecting the wound even more, etc, etc.

I didn't bullshit him, I told him that I was going to kill him, whether if it was a quick death, or a long one was up to him and if he was willing to answer my questions. But he wasn't budging, he was taking the exceptionally difficult route. Now, personally, I'll be honest with you dear reader, I know squat when it comes to torture, I rarely ever had to torture people for information , bottom line, I'm shit at torture and no matter how many times I stabbed away, he wasn't budging, apart from a few profanity's directed at me, I wasn't getting anything from him.

Not unless I went a completely different route, a route I don't like taking because it gives me a massive migraine. I was going to send a tendril inside of him, much like I did with whelp to get the information I needed myself, which is exactly what I did, only instead of sending it through the nostril, I sent it through his newly made eye hole. Whilst I was doing that, I kept on telling him that I didn't need his cooperation, that his mind would tell me everything I need, I could see him tense up more and more, as he felt my tendril digging inside of him, rummaging through his veins, slithering around his brain, this is when he started squirming, begged me to stop, told me that he would tell me everything I wanted to know, so I retracted my tendril, because I honestly don't prefer learning the needed information that way, it hurts like a motherfucker and leaves me completely vulnerable, feel free to note that down.

So he finally started singing, started telling me how there's this secret, research organization dedicated to researching our slim friend, that they've been around for decades, yet another shadow group, as if those always worked out. He told me that they were doing experiments on Azoth for years, that they were particularly interested in my darling, because of how different she was according to me. Told me that the way they found the hiding spot was through their technology, KnitWolf had nothing to do with them finding her. He told me that they've been conducting experiments on my darling for 4 years now, that pissed me off. So I finally asked where she was and just as he was about to tell me, he suddenly stopped talking.

He began shaking, his head vibrating, the veins around his face intensifying, I could see smoke coming from his nose, ears, eyes. He was shaking like crazy, he began foaming at the mouth. His last eye popped right in my face, covering me with blood, eventually he stopped shaking, moving in general, he was dead.

As I wiped his blood off my face, I saw in the reflection of his hazmat helmet that was laying on top of the dumpster, I saw him, our tall, thin friend. Standing on of a distant rooftop, watching over me, he wanted me to see him, otherwise I would have never spotted him. I don't know why he was there, if he wanted to kill me, he would have done so in a instant, he wouldn't announce his presence like that, no, he wanted me to know that he was watching, always watching, mocking me, showing me that I'm not a threat in all of this, just a nuisance, well, he can think whatever he wants, I don't care.

I knew he didn't cause this guy's death, I don't remember anybody dying from him just being around, let alone smoking whilst dying. So I started digging through the guy's body hoping that I would find something, I dug around in his brain and almost missed it, but I didn't, it was a small device of some sort, looked burnt up, no doubt this was what killed him, which means someone killed him just as he was about to spill the beans about the location of my darling, which meant that our tall friend wasn't the only one watching me, somehow the people behind this guy's murder knew exactly when to flip the switch.

So I'm being watched, tracked and most definitely they read this blog. Well good, I want them to see me coming. I'm not sure what my next step is, but I have a few ideas, I did pick up a very important clue after all.

Oops

So may have jumped to a few conclusions.

So a while ago, back before mine and KnitWolf's death, I asked her for a favor, it was a very important favor, very important to me.

I asked her to hide a very important jar for me at a specific destination, so that when I came back, I would be able to find the jar. Reason I asked her for this very important favor is because at the time, my every move was being tracked by a certain fucker who I made a deal with for access to his domain, which allowed me to travel freely, just like I could when I was using the Path. He could track my every move, except for when I would stop by Knitty's place, her little hiding spot was special, it's as if it was protected by our Pale, Faceless Friend, whatever it was, I was practically invisible to my observer when being there.

The plan was, I give the jar to KnitWolf and she hides it for me at a specific destination after I had left, so that my observer wouldn't interfere.

As you can guess from my previous post, the jar wasn't there, which is what pissed me off. I thought over who could possibly have found it, if nobody else knew about it, but I couldn't figure it out, a scary thought started creeping into my mind, was I played? Did KnitWolf hide the jar somewhere else, so I wouldn't be able to find it? After all, our goals were always in conflict, I want to end this miserable and pointless existence, and all she wanted is to see her "family" safe. Did she screw me over?

I didn't want to believe it, I respected her, but it was the only lead I had. But how could I ask her, if she was dead? Her "Family", surely she would have told them something about this, right?

With that thought process, I booked a plane and traveled over to where Knitty's place was located before. I staked out the city's streets for several nights, finally found them, Hart and Fell, no mistake about it, that blue hair gave her away. They were clearly tracking someone else, some guy, by the looks of him, he was obviously a runner, what an amateur, started going through an empty lot, lots of open space, no people around, what an idiot.

Fell and Hart, I could see them, gearing up, putting their little masks on. As soon as they both finished gearing up, Hart immediately started dashing towards the poor bastard, I took my eyes off of Fell who remained still, in order to follow Hart's actions. The runner obviously heard Hart's footsteps, instead of running right off the bat, the idiot looked back to make sure the footsteps were coming towards him, when he started to turn back around in order to run, he was met with Fell's fist in his face. I didn't even notice how she managed to sneak up on him like that. Fell then proceeded to get on top of him and choke him to death, Hart ran up just in time, as he began to hold down the man's arms so he wouldn't be able to resist, eventually the idiot stopped squirming and died.

Never expected to see Hart high five Fell for murdering someone, considering how uch of a cry baby he was before, time's change I guess.

After that they took off their little masks and began to cross through the lots, out into the open field, heading towards the treeline. I quickly climbed down from my rooftop and began to follow them into the forest, following them through the field and the forest was a pain, shit was much easier when I had access to domains.

Eventually I began to see this big, abandoned house in the middle of this forest that they were heading towards, I figured that this was their point of destination, so I broke off from following them and began to go around to find an alternate way in. Which I did, I quietly sneaked through the building until I could hear their voices, at first I thought they were talking to each other, but there was another voice present, that's when I remembered the third member of Knit's "Family" Whelp, this was the perfect spot to confront them, dark, isolated, nobody would interfere and all of them were here.

I picked up the led pipe that was leaning against the nearby wall, made sure to sneak into the same room as they were in through the back entrance, stuck to the shadows so they wouldn't be able to see me and as soon as I managed to get close, I whacked the fuck out of Fell's skull with the led pipe, making her collapse on the ground, unconscious.

"What the fuck!?" Hart yelled out in obvious shock to the situation, immediately pulling out his crowbar, no doubt ready to throw down.

The plan was, knock out the most stubborn member of this "Family" and interrogate the ones who will easily break and tell me everything I need.

"Damn..." I must admit, it was very enjoyable to smash her over the head, the fact that I didn't have to listen to her run her mouth was a great bonus on top of that "Think I swung too hard?" I stepped out of the shadows, revealing my face to Hart.

"Ohhh Shit..." Was all that Hart could say upon seeing me, it was a satisfying feeling, to know that people still remembered you.

"Oh well, on the bright side, I won't have to deal with her running her mouth." I looked him directly in the eyes, making sure to solidify that I was no fake, that I was the real deal "Heya druggie, how ya been?"

Hart stared me down "What the fuck do you want!?"

From behind him, a familiar voice spoke up, what once was a young, naive and blind girl, who followed an insane priest like a sheep, was now a much older, just as scared, teenage girl, Whelp.

"K-Kelevra?" Even she remembered me, despite us never meeting in person, only in comments of these blogs, oh how I miss those days when I would try to convince her to take out her stupid, little flock that surrounded her at the time.

"Goodness me Hart, watch the language! There's kids here." I made sure to give her a friendly wave, after all, what am I? If not polite. But as much as I enjoyed saying hello, it was time to get down to business "As to what I want? Just to ask a question is all."

Hart's reaction to my query was a mocking snort, he wasn't taking this seriously, which is something he would soon begin to regret "Fine. Ask your question and leave."

I reminded Hart of mine and Knitty's little agreement before getting to the problem, which was the fact that the Jar was not there.

That made Hart smirk, that stupid, little smirk of his, oh how I would enjoy wiping it off of his face "Well that sucks for you doesn't it?" The ignorance, the lack of understanding of what was at stake, his tone was pissing me off "Wolf told me that she hid it right where you asked, so I don't know what you want from me."

I was not amused, in fact, in reality, I was fuming on the inside, which is what could have been clouding my judgment at the time "See, I don't really believe you. She could have fucked me over ‘cause she might have seen me as a threat to you and Fell, so now you could be jerking me around and I don't like that." Regardless, I was ready to throw down, as I morphed a sharp edged end from my jacket's sleeve.

"Of course she saw you as a threat. But she respected you for some reason, so she did what you asked" He was no better than Fell, just kept on running his mouth, boy how times have changed. "She did that for you, so shut your fucking mouth and leave."

Ah, now he was getting frustrated, now things were getting a bit more serious "Oh Hart, you know the reason I knocked her ass out is because I knew she would refuse to say anything, but it seems like you're the same way now." I formed the second sharp edged end with my other sleeve "A pity, really, I didn't want to, but I guess I'm simply going to have to beat the answer out of you."

Hart caught me by surprise as he instantly began running and swinging at me with his crowbar, the minus of not having Fortissimo be with me, is she doesn't act as my instinctive shield anymore, when we were together, she would always react to any potential harm comings towards us faster than me and would protect me. Now without her, I had to rely on my instincts and reflexes, I managed to duck away from Hart's crowbar, but not fast enough, the crowbar ended up grazing my head.

The hit was strong enough to get me off balance, managed to used the momentum to spin back around and launched tendril out of my sleeve at him. Was able to hit and cut him in the side, I heard him gasp in pain, now we were getting somewhere, I began to retract my tendril but was abruptly stopped, somebody was yanking my tendril to the side, away from Hart.

"Stop!" The young voice yelled out, it was Whelp, she was the one yanking my tendril to the side, with her own tendrils, I completely forgot that KnitWolf passed her a piece of her own Azoth before she died. Her tendrils were causing a burning sensation, which was growing the longer her Azoth remained attached to mine. Remembering that this piece of Azoth within Whelp at some point belonged to Knitty, I got an idea, an alternative way to getting my answers.

My thought process was cut short by Hart, who too the opportunity to swing his crowbar at the tendril which was being yanked away, exactly where my arm was located. The hit connected and it only intensified the burning sensation, it hurt like hell, but it didn't matter, because now I had a  new plan.

"Alright Harty, change of plans!" Had to slow the stubborn ass long enough for me to make my move, first thing's first, had to take away his weapon. I made the tendril that he hit grow out several smaller tendrils and grab the crowbar, make it get stuck to my sleeve. As I was doing that, I sent out another tendril from the back of my jacket, through the cracks in the ground, towards Whelp. As the small tendril reached Whelp, I made it pop out of the ground, piercing her foot. Whelp screamed out in pain as her own Azoth (Stitch) began to lift her off my tendril and push her away, the scream got Hart's attention, forcing him to take drastic action, which was an attempt from him to kick my legs.

However, as Whelp was being pushed away by her Azoth, naturally she began yanking me to the side even more, I stopped resisting and let the momentum pull me to the side, making Hart miss with his kick, but I knew I had to slow him down even more, so I planted my feet into the ground, stopping the momentum of the pull and sent out a tendril from my other sleeve at his leg, it was a direct hit, piercing his leg, that was enough.

I turned back to Whelp and began running towards her, retracting my tendril from Hart's leg. As I ran towards her, she sent her own tendrils at me, there was no room to dodge, momentum was on my side, I had to get to her as quickly as possible, so I had to let her tendrils pierce me. Every hit delivered excruciating pain, the burning sensation all over my body, I forgot how pain felt like, a refreshing reminder.

But it didn't stop me, eventually I reached her, I grabbed her neck with my free hand, this was it, finally some answers.

"Relax brat, I just want to ask a question." I sent out a small tendril from my sleeve into her nose, this was it, I finally got to ask her some questions, to confirm if I was deceived. It felt so strange, knowing that you are not all there, that you are somewhere else, whilst knowing that you are also left standing there, like a mindless husk, I'm still getting used to this revival, wish Fortissimo was with me, to guide me...

I got my answer, it was painful, I retracted my tendril from Whelp's nose with immense pain, no surprise, I was invading her home turf, of course I'd be kicked out in such a painful manner, my head was burning up, I wanted to comfort it with my free hand, but as I raised my arm to my head, I felt some sort of force pushing me to the side.

It was Hart, he tried to hit me in the head with his crowbar, however he ended up hitting my arm, the arm I tried to use to comfort my already burning head. I fell down, had to roll over, get some distance from Hart, the pain in my head was blinding "You bitch, you hurt me!"

Once the pain had passed a little, I could concentrate, I saw Hart walking towards me with his crowbar, a killers intent in his eyes, don't think I ever expected to see Hart so pissed, I have to tell you Harty, I like this new attitude. I rolled away from him yet again, sending tendrils out into the ground, which I then used to push me upwards on my feet.

I made a mistake, Knitty didn't deceive me, I was wrong, to further prolong the fight would be pointless. "Calm down, I got what I wanted. Turns out, you were telling the truth" All I could offer was a shrug, since I doubt he would take my apology "Woops"

From then on we parted ways. While this was a detour, it was a very important one, I needed to absolutely make sure that I was not deceived, glad to see that wasn't the case, I respect Knitty and it would hurt me greatly if she would use my respect for her against me. However, I do feel that I may have potentially burnt a bridge with her after this, which I've done with others whom I liked before, it's par for the course at this point, sacrifices must be made.

And even thought I still have no idea who might have stolen the jar, it's good to be back on track regardless.

Enough Philosophizing, on with the Planning.

So as I've said previously, I've changed a lot since my return and my priorities have switched up a lot. See, before my untimely demise, I was unfocused, all over the place, hopping from one "project" to another, without sometimes even finishing the previous one I would start, or simply ending it abruptly. There seemed to be so many distractions in the way, preventing me from focusing on my end goal, I blame it all on the lack of socializing due to being locked up in an asylum for the majority of my life, imagine all those years, wasting your time doing nothing but starring at white walls, of course as soon as I start talking to people, I become curious and willing to postpone my plans to explore and learn.

And there were so many distractions too: Learning that I am a human being who is capable of emotion, thanks to my very strange friendship with Minxie; Finding out that there are people out there who are just as willing to do anything to protect their goals, like how Knitty was willing to sacrifice anything to protect her "family"; And arguably, the biggest distraction... him... my bizarre fascination with him...

And throughout all of those experiences, there was one constant, the ability to share my new findings with her, my special darling, the love of my life, Fortissimo. She was always there for me, sharing every little thing I would learn about myself, about the world, about her, about us.

So naturally, that is the first part of my long and meticulous plan, is to get back together with her. That's right, we've been separated the moment I was killed off, the plan was, once I return, I would find her once more and we would join together once again, like before. But someone decided to interfere with that plan, since I couldn't find her anywhere, it's so weird, thinking about something and not having here there to share my thoughts with, I don't like that feeling, it's a distraction, a distraction that needs to be quenched.

Plus, I promised her the front seat view to the end of the world, I promised her that we would be there, to enjoy the view together, I am not going back on my promise to her.

Whoever took her away from me, they will regret that decision, no doubt they are reading this blog right now, to keep an eye on me, to know what I might know. Well whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever your motives, I will find you, I will hurt you, I will re-join with her and then, I will let her do whatever she wants with you.

Be afraid, be very FUCKING afraid.

Silence is so disappointing

So let me get this straight, I die for 4 years and everybody, all of a sudden begin to drop off the face of the earth? I mean, obviously Carter would still be around, I'm also really glad to see that Minxie is still here as well and there are a few, new players that have been introduced to the game. But overall, a lot of pieces seem to have dropped off, or just went silent.

Which is disappointing, the whole purpose of running their little blogs was to be able to socialize with people who are in the same situation, that you are in, right? Or maybe to document your memories? Or simply put, just to have fun. Back before my death, I made a post about how this little game has changed so much, the post was based off of a question that Morningstar was pondering at the time on his post which was, where were all of those brave heroes who were willing to fight back against their inevitable demise? In my post, I analyzed the state of the game at the time and how it has changed so much, that there were no more heroic pieces on the board, none of the people who were running, were fighting back anymore like in the old days. Only a few like Med, Annalee, Alex and... him... were putting up a fight, everyone else? Either sitting on the sidelines, or simply surviving for the sake of survival, not looking for any solutions to their problems, no. Now, the board was loaded with dark pieces, the only pieces that were willing to do whatever they could to achieve their goals despite the fact that they were being hunted by very powerful beings at the same time, pieces like: Morningstar, Redlight, Knitwolf and yours truly. There were no more heroes on the board, only villains, sometimes fighting amongst each other, sometimes working together, it was so much fun.

And now that I come back 4 years later, the game has turned yet again, now, almost everybody's gone!

KnitWolf is dead and her companions: Hart and Fell are doing, whatever they are doing in silence, part of me is glad that they didn't die and that Hart seems to have been able to pull Fell out of her self destructive path, but part of me can't shake this feeling that the reason for this prolonged silence, is because they are doing nothing, not continuing the Wolf's work, just darting from one place to the other, surviving, being non-factors. They are welcome to prove me wrong, if they somehow see this.

My good ol' friend Sanna is still around and it looks like she started dabbling in a little bit of research here and there, nice to see someone trying to do SOMETHING about their current predicament. I also like the attitude change, she comes off more ruthless than before, as I said Minxie, 4 years is a long time, I wonder how much you've changed? Are you still a protector? But what do you care the pondering of a faker, right?

Morningstar just disappeared, which is disappointing, considering the fact that he is a programmable puppet. I really hope that his silence is due to his owners deciding to put him on the shelf for the time being, or something and that it wasn't a complete personality wipe for him, which would mean that he is now a mindless husk, walking around somewhere. That would be so disappointing if that's what his reward was for ridding the world of Redlight yet again, with the help of some "friends". However, there is still hope for him to resurface, because, apparently, after the whole Redlight debacle, he became a part of some sort of team, but they've been inactive for 3 years now, looks like it, so fuck knows where Skywalker is today and if he is even himself.

And so many others, just disappeared, nobody there to bend the rules of the game any longer, it's all just so depressing. Even the dynamics have changed, the whole Proxy organization system is gone, fell apart, imploded in on itself. Severed party members running around, trying to salvage whatever they can, a lot of people dying in their attempts to run away from it all, inner fighting for control and backstabbing, everything's a mess and is in chaos, seems like the perfect time to return, right?

Right, so here I am, however, I changed as well, drastically and now, instead of simply bending the rules, I'm planning on setting the board itself on fire, my long lasting dream, I finally know a way of how to achieve it, an old friend showed me, during his last minutes and I intend to cash in on his findings. But before I can set the plan in motion, I need to prepare, which will take time, a lot of time, a lot of things to do, to retrieve and hopefully, a lot of new people to meet along the way, whether they will stand in my support, or in opposition, maybe I'll be able to run into some of the old faces mentioned above, wouldn't that be fun?

But no worries, I will keep you, those who care to check this blog, updated until the very end. After all, it is through this blogging business that I was able to make friends and to simply put it, it's just fun and is a good time spender.

A Dry Voice

Not being able to feel anything physically, but be aware of the fact that you should be feeling something physically is an unnerving idea of a lifestyle and yet, that's how I existed prior to my demise, my body, in a state of paralysis, not being able to physically feel anything, at first, was very disorienting, forced me to rely on my other senses like Seeing and Hearing. As long as I could see my feet moving, I could walk; as long as I could hear the screams of people, I knew I was having an effect. So imagine when all of a sudden all of that is stripped from you, your eyes and ears which you've come to rely on extra hard, due to the paralysis within your body, it's unnerving, scary, to be stuck, not knowing where you are, not aware of your surroundings, not knowing if you are slowly being torn apart by someone's hands, all you're left is, is your own sinister imagination and very dark thoughts.

It felt, no, it was an eternity, that state, quite frankly, it was hell. It was really hard at first, disorientation was the main factor, imagine, one second being able to see and hear, and the next, it's all gone. You don't know where you are, what's happening to you, slowly but surely, your mind begins to conjure up theories, ideas, am I dead? Is this what happens after we die? Our awareness is just stuck somewhere after our bodies decay, trapped with our own thoughts, regrets and deepest secrets? Very disorienting indeed.

After a while, anger settles in, blood boiling frustration begins to build up, the catch is, of course, that you can't feel your blood boiling, so you're just stuck in this state of irritation, frustration and anger which continues to build. Everything I've ever done, everything I tried to achieve, all boiled down to this? How infuriating.

And then, little by little, you begin to get used to it, you realize the pointlessness of everything you've ever done as your memories begin to circle through your head, how meaningless your attempts at change were, if this was the final destination all along, if I knew ahead of time what this destination felt like, I would have committed suicide long ago, it's true what they say, ignorance is bliss.

I truly fear for anyone who experiences this feeling with Amnesia, can you imagine, the only place where the only thing you can ever do is replay your memories in your head and ponder on them, and you can't even do that because you can't remember anything, how much of philosophical drivel can you possibly go through before you run out of ideas and topics to analyze? Does your consciousness just stop working? Now there's a terrifying thought.

Luckily for me, I didn't get that far in my "Experience". That voice, it broke this eternal silence I was stuck for what seemed to be an eternity, I didn't hear it per se, I just seemed to understand the words and the tone, or maybe I've been deaf for so long, I forgot the mere concept of hearing. Regardless, at some point, this voice broke the silence around me, this scrawny, raspy, dead voice, and by "dead" I don't mean that it was lacking in any emotion, I mean it in a literal way, whenever it spoke, it lacked an organic feeling to it, you know how when we talk to each other, we can hear the "wet" aspect of people's voices? The saliva churning around in their mouth, the squishing of the tongue when we attempt to pronounce certain words, you know what I mean? It's all organic. This voice however, it's as if the source of it, was hollow inside, it lacked that "wet" aspect to it, it almost seemed wooden to an extent, unnerving.

"Funny" it began "All these thoughts and concerns, and not a single one of them about hunger. It's as if such a concept does not exist to you."

What a random comment upon my thoughts, I thought to myself and yet, so true, in all my time I spent pondering, analyzing and reviewing, all the deaths I've caused, all the ways I could have, or was currently dying and hunger, or starvation was never an option.

I answered, without uttering a word "True, but can you blame me? After all, hunger hasn't been a factor for change in the longest of times, so why even consider it?"

"Does it not strike fear into you, to experience starvation, to feel your body eat itself from the inside, trying it's hardest to find any substance to feed on, the endless void of pain that would come from your stomach which then would result in a slow and painful death?"

If I could laugh, I would laugh very loudly "Fear? No, how can you fear something that is not a risk? No, I am not afraid of hunger, because the world has more cows than it has humans at this point, shortage of food is a non-issue."

"Impossible, where peoples are fed, they will fuck. You must see the inevitable result." the voice seemed to be in dis-belief at my remark, almost as if it had not witnessed the current state of the world.

"Oh they will fuck alright, however, you assume that the constant expansion will result in shortage of food and you'd be wrong, simply because people have learned to produce food so fast that humanity is at a stalemate between the numbers of people and cattle on earth, it's been like that for years, no, hunger isn't a threat, in fact, it's quite the opposite."

"Explain." the voice demanded, sounding annoyed at my proposal.

"Do you realize that humanity exists in an age where there are entire careers based on ending unborn lives? Whether it be for selfish reasons like preventing financial ruination, or for noble ones so that the unborn wouldn't have to suffer from some sort of health deterioration whilst growing up. There are also those who would seek to prevent such careers from growing, believing that all life is sacred and you have no right to end it, despite the fact they indeed do have the right, but that is of course if we're following the rights presented by the law, rather than our own personal beliefs. However, some of these people obsess so much over their beliefs on the preservation of life, that they would actively end the lives of those who practice the career I mentioned before. It's a funny conundrum isn't it? On one hand you have those who kill unborn children to either relieve them of their inevitable pain they will have to go through when they will be growing up, or relieve the mother of the pain and loss that comes with raising a child. On the other hand, you have those who will fight for the preservation of the unborn lives, preaching that any life matters, to the point where they will not hesitate to kill those who will practice the murder of unborn lives."

"That does sound like a troublesome stalemate." 

"Oh yeah, but you know what the really scary part about all of that is? Both sides are so certain in what they do, they are so sure in the validity of their beliefs and actions, that they do not stop, or outright refuse to acknowledge the massive contradiction within their plans. Do you know how many people are out there like that? People everywhere, knowing who they were and where they were going, so many of them! Do you think such certainty would exist if starvation was a threat?"

"No."

"Of course not! Fear is only effective when there is a risk of losing something of value, tell me, could anything that was so plentiful have any value? Is life really sacred, or is it an epidemic? A kind of infection, eating up the whole world? Is it really such a bad thing to stop some people from being born, or to just outright kill some of them off?"

The eternal silence that I was stuck in for so long on my own, returned for a little while, the voice said nothing for a long time, so I felt like I needed to say something in the end, because I remembered a few people I've met during my time when I could hear and see.

"You know what my favorite theory about humans that I heard is? That at some point, there will be this great starvation epidemic and people will have to resort to cannibalizing each other, I always laughed at that notion. The only reason people will start cannibalizing each other in todays day and age, is not going to be from shortage of food, it's going to be from their own certainty, that they have to do it, whether it will be out of some dark and twisted belief, or just simply because they have a craving for something different other than cattle meat."

Silence would continue and that voice would never return. I was stuck with my thoughts once again.






4 years, huh? Never thought it would take so long for me to come back. What was it, exactly 100 posts? What say we go for another 100?